Monday, August 20, 2007

Anne and the Amazing Beige Robe...coat

Every couple of days or so, Marvin Gardens changes our computer wallpaper image. Usually it reflects something we have recently made fun of. One night, one or the other of us said, "Remember Gaines Burgers?" and we were in hysterics remembering that gross, hamburger-shaped, plastic-y dog food that somehow made you want to eat it. So naturally, the next morning our computer wallpaper was an old Gaines Burgers ad.

Anyway, the image at the top of this page is our current wallpaper. It is an old photo, obviously, of students at the high school in our new town. I don't know how well you can see the photo, but Anne has signed the picture over what I would assume to be her image. She is right at the front, in the plaid skirt.

Can you see her expression? Can you see that Anne is clearly thinking, "Why the hell am I here in this tiny town with my plaid skirt and my pompadour?"

I cannot begin to tell you how much I feel Anne right now. I have stared at Anne now for hours, empathising with her like you don't know what.

I have plummeted. Plum.e.ted. I am so ding-dang depressed.

My old job has not sent me any work, nor has the textbook client I thought I got back. I was called today for an interview for a proofreading job in a large town really, really far away from here, working 2:30 p.m. until 10:30 p.m. and thank God I just had the sense to call and cancel the interview.

I do not like not knowing where my next check is coming from or how on earth I am going to earn any money. My 7-Eleven fear is coming true.

Okay, so this is the sixth day of freelancing. Maybe I should calm down and put away the Slurpee. But really. This is disturbing. You can't just be a proofreader anywhere. It's up there with pet psychic and eyelash permer, in that you need to live in a big city to be in demand.

Anyway, the good news is I went to my new book club today and met a cool couple! They came here from a big city; they just inherited a farm. As opposed to buying the farm, which would mean they were dead. And then they'd be no fun at all. Anyway, the man looked like our friend Robe of our friends Robe and Beige. I did not tell him that, tho, as he would think it was odd that I was friends with an inanimate object and a color.

So we all exchanged phone numbers and plan to get together. They have cat children, as well, so that'll be good. They won't think we're sadly childless like people do.

I think I will propose that we go on a hike at the wildlife preserve, as that is free and we do not have to assault them with the, "Hi, we don't spend!" thing immediately. Maybe I should just get it all out. "Hi! You remind me of a robe. We love our cats like they are our children. Oh, also, we can't spend any money. Is dinner on you, or...?"


Anonymous said...

To quote another famous Anne (of Green Gables) with red hair, it would appear as though you are in "the depths of despair". It must be quite unsettling. I'm sorry and I hope you get lots of work soon.

Yay for the book club though! And a hike sounds like a good way to begin the friendship

M.I. Susan Harris said...

Do they still make Tender Vittles?

Tee said...

So sorry you are depressed. Hope the new friends work out for you. I'm (we, my husband and I) are childless cat lovers. We are quite happy with our cat child. He's calling me right now. It's time for him to relax in my lap.

sabrina duncan said...

you hike?

sabrina duncan said...

the last time I remember ANYTHING resembling a hike...we were traipsing up the Counterbalance after Kurt Cobain's memorial. And it was DIFFICULT. Well, especially for Marianne.

Michigan J. Frog said...

Hi June,
Remember hiking to Red Rocks amphitheater? Remember your ONE wish...that was granted?

Anonymous said...

That picture could be of any high school class from the 50s. It looks like my older brother's year book.

dcrmom said...

YAY! Friends!!! I'm so happy for you. :-) I'm sorry to hear you've hit rock bottom, but hey. There's no where to go but up, right? ;0)

Ratsy said...

Dear Mrs. Gardins,

Welcome to nowhere USA. As you may have heard, I blazed a trail out here a couple years ago and also felt like Zsa Zsa Gabor. Honestly the first time I walked into the Walmart in Wooster, Ohio, I remember thinking, I looked like a movie star... in the midst of morbidly obese people, people missing teeth (honestly there are more toothless people in Wooster than you can shake a stick at... can't they find a chicklet to shove in there???) and Amish. Yup, the Amish and Mennonites shop at Walmart. They even have gravel spaces for them in the parking lot, so they can park their horse and buggies. I'm not kidding.

Thankfully, I moved to Oberlin, away from Wooster, but all of Ohio has an element that you just have to get used to. Doughy people that don't seem to care what they look like. Yup, moving from California makes you long for pretty people.

I don't know what to say, except... it gets better. Or perhaps you just get used to it. In some ways it gives you the freedom to just relax and not try so hard to be so darn attractive. Even with the lower standards, you'll probably be way above the curve!

Good luck.


June Cutoff Cash said...

Thank you, Ms. Ratsy. I forgot that your cool self had moved to nowhere as well.

I do have to say that some of the women here are beautiul! And it's not that plastic surgery beautiful we are used to in LA, either!

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I am needin' it.