Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Baby Got Fatback

So, last Friday night, after the football game, I was home, eatin' the peanut brittle.

There is a reason it is not called "peanut soft." I chipped my front dang tooth on the stupid stuff.

For those of you who know me, the dentist is right up there for me, along with vomiting, tarantulas and anthrax. I am just inexplicably afraid of the dentist. And for over 10 years, my dentist has been the trustworthy and talented Dr. Bieber, back in California.

So I had to go to someone new. Someone who works in a small town. I will not go into all the snobby feelings I had about seeing a small-town dentist. I really had no idea I was so much like Eva Gabor in Green Acres.

Today was my dentist appointment. The dentist and his assistants were very nice. When he saw my chip, he said, "Most people come in here with a chip after they eat fatback." Like you are probably doing right now, I said, "Whatthehell's fatback?"

The assistant said, "She's not from here, doctor. She's from California."

People are always saying this, in a tone you would reserve for saying something like, "She has 17 fingers." or "She is Eva Gabor."

Fatback is fried fat, with a thick layer of salt at the bottom. The fat comes from that heart-healthy treat, bacon. Apparently, fatback tastes like hard, fried bacon fat.

There is not a person alive in the entire Los Angeles metro area who would eat this. No one there has eaten bread in seven years. Fatback? You've got to be kidding.

I like how the name of this food is also an adjective for you after you've eaten it.

Anyway, in keeping with the theme of this blog, the point is that the chip was small, and the dentist charged me...NOTHING. Nothing.

How does he keep himself in fatback, at these rates?

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad your dentist experience was pleasant and free! What a friendly little town it is turning out to be. What exactly did he do?

June Cutoff Cash said...

He just smoothed it out with a little drill, anonymous. I didn't need to get numb or anything. It took maybe 50 seconds.

Kellie said...

I am not a huge pork eater, bacon or otherwise, but I would have eaten a pound of fatback before I would let him drill on me without Novocaine!

Didn't it hurt?

June Cutoff Cash said...

No, it really didn't. It was just the very top of my bottom tooth. No inside-a-molar type thing.

sabrina duncan said...

That was EVA Gabor honey!!!

Eva! Zsa Zsa wouldn't even PRETEND to be in the country.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Oh, this post had me laughing. Nothing like feeling like a fish out of water, eh?

M.I. Susan Harris said...

This is totally off the subject but I wanted to tell you, June (and Sabrina), that I'm climbing Mt. St. Helens this weekend. Let's hope I don't fall in.

And did you really live in LA for 10 years???? Man, we are getting old.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Ten-and-a-half years to the day, actually, Master Instructor Harris. And yes, we are old old old. Many boyriends, decades and pets have passed between us.

Anonymous said...

so glad it all worked out-- I will admit to being a bit "zsa zsa" about my teeth up here . . although I do know it was Eva as I know TOO much about Eva as she and I have the same BIRTHDAY (not year, thank the holy roman gods) adn I know this because when I first moved up to hinterville after living in a city Green Acres was pretty much my theme song--

~bluepoppy

Lara said...

Maybe somebody clued your smalltown dentist into your blog and he knows your not spending any money. You know what they say about small towns? Everybody knows everything about everbody else...you have been going to the public library after all!

Pepper said...

I am from the south and I have never heard of fatback. In Texas I think we call it saltpork (same mouth watering description). I sadly come from a family were saltpork and grits were a staple. We Texans really know how to live!

Tee said...

Fatback is certainly a southern thing. My grandmother used to fry the stuff and we would eat it in her homemade biscuits and mustard. As a child it was okay, but as an adult it would NEVER pass my lips. So glad the dentist was so kind to you, that too is a southern thing. :-)

emilyhope said...

I have to admit that I like fatback. I am from the south. I, however, have never had a dentist do anything to me that he did for free. Lucky you!

June Cutoff Cash said...

Emilyhope, you must describe it for us! Have you also had chicken's feet? Cause we saw that at the store and died a thousand deaths.

Anonymous said...

Chicken feet were also considered a delicacy to put into Jewish chicken soup. You used to be able to buy it at the butchers, along with little chicken eggs that also went into the soup. Yummy!

Maryann said...

Okay, this was hilarious. I went to Dollywood a couple of years ago and they had "Fried Pork Rinds While You Wait." This sounds suspiciously close to your "fatback."
I have to admit to a curious facination of watching them get made, but I couldn't even think I putting it in my mouth!
I agree , why would I eat something that is so incredibly descriptive of the result of eating it. This must be where they came up with the "Baby Got Back" song title from eating this stuff. Yuck!

emilyhope said...

Fatback is the layer of fat that is on the pig's back. It is used to make cracklings. Some folks put a thick slab of it in with their vegetables while cooking them to add some flavor. Most people eat it with a ton of salt on it and fried very crisp. And I am sorry to disappoint, but I have not had chicken's feet. However, you are gonna love this one, I have had hog's brains and scrambled eggs.

emilyhope said...

Oh, and fatback is different fried pork rinds. The pork rinds are the pig skin. I have had these...plain and spicy flavors.

June Cutoff Cash said...

HOG'S brains and scrambled EGGS!?!?!

emilyhope said...

I knew you'd like it!