My dinner with Momdre. Or, If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

A few months ago, Faithful Reader Julie emailed me. She had read my dumb blog for some time, and she knew I had an unnatural love for the beauty products. Fortunately for me, her family had developed a line of skin-care called Corina, and she wanted me to try them. All of them. She was willing to send me the whole kit and kaboodle, and if I liked them she said, you know, maybe I could blog about them. Because I am so wildly popular and influential.

Okay, she never said anything about my popularity or influentuality. Whatever. She also said, "Isn't your name Dooce?" And I totally let her think I was Dooce and she sent me the products.

At any rate, naturally I was allergic to the products. You guys. I am a freak. I cannot even WALK past Bath & Body works anymore. Those scent strips in magazines? My throat closes right up. I love love love love love Kiehl's haircare line? Can't use it. eeeep! That was my throat closing up. So I don't know why I was stunned when I was allergic to the Corina things. There are about four hair products in the world that I am not allergic to, and I have to wash my face with Dove. No, the actual bird. It's the only thing I'm not allergic to.

Not wanting to disappoint Faithful Reader Julie, I sent the entire line of products to my mother, who of course doesn't have the allergic-to-everything issue that I have. I inherited nothing from my mother. We don't look alike, we don't have any of the same medical things, the only way we are alike is we sound exactly the same, which is annoying when I'm there and answer the phone.

Anyway, mom tried the Corina line and yesterday we had a pressing in-depth interview about the whole thing. If you are tired of reading because our society is declining at an alarming rate and no one has an attention span anymore, following are before and after pictures of mom. So you can just look at those and skip the interview if you wish. Gen-Xer.

BEFORE

I promise you that is not mom's Beck's beer in the background. Seriously. Now you think my mom is an old booze hound. I should have Photoshopped it out.

AFTER

See what I did there? I put in a 40-year-old picture of mom. Because I sincerely thought you'd fall for it.

Here is my extremely formal and important interview with mom.

What is your name?
I'm Mother. [It's sad, really, that she thinks her name is Mother. Does everyone lose their identity like that when they have kids?]

What is your age?
Sixty-three.

Why did you bother with skin care when you're so old?
Well, it's true; there comes a point when skin-care products aren't gonna do the trick. But I got these free.

What were you hoping to gain from this collection of products?
I was hoping that the skin falling off the bones of my face would somehow reattach and be firm and taut again. That didn't happen.

Hmph. What DID happen?
Well, there was a whole regimen. I really liked the two moisturizing products. One had an SPF of 30, which is good because I go out every day for an hour to walk my dogs. [Disclaimer. Mom lives in Michigan and it would be my guess no sun will hit her face until June. But maybe I am a little judgy about Michigan.]

I would use the two moisturizers--the Rejuvenating Cream for Women and the Active Daily Repair--without a foundation or other makeup when I was just running errands, and it smoothed my skin just by itself. I felt I didn't need anything else.

So you liked all the products?
There was a gel you put around your eyes and a liquid to fill in wrinkles? I was kind of allergic to those. I gave the serum to Bina and she liked it.

How are the readers supposed to know who Bina is?
She is my best friend.

Does Bina still read my blog?
She does from time to time, yes.

What is wrong with Bina that she doesn't read every day?
I don't know. She has a life.

{Miffed.} Any other products you want to tell us about?
The soapy face cleanser and the toner were both good. It was convenient to have the cleanser in a tube rather than a bar, and you just spray on the toner, which was nice.

I thought the jars were very pretty on my counter, too. They're a nice blue.

Do any of your other friends read my blog?
Yes, honey, from time to time. I would recommend the Corina products to my friends. I felt and looked moisturized. I don't think most people would be allergic to the products I was allergic to.

I mean, why not read every day? I am funny every day.
{uncomfortable laughter} I guess you'd have to ask them directly.

Thank you for taking the time to use free products as a result of my blog which your friends eschew.
They don't eschew it. They read it. They often comment, "Oh, I see June is doing this or that."

Okay, my neck hurts now.
Why?

Because I'm typing and talking on the phone all at once.

So that wraps up my compelling interview with mom and her thoughts on Corina skin care. Not that any of her friends will read this.

What are you doing over here?

Not spending money is sooooo 2007. Come on over to Bye Bye, Pie. I'm gonna stop eating for a year! Join me, June GonnaEatThat, and my spouse, Marvin Gardensalad, at our new locale.

(In case the whole link thing baffles you, the address is byebyepie.typepad.com)

You see, George? You really had a wonderful life.

I was all set to tell you today that I have learned nothing this year. I tried to not spend extraneously, and now it's done and that's that. I was going to say that as I predicted most people were really supportive, I wasn't perfect at it but I lasted all year and we saved some money. The end.

But a funny thing happened on my way to this blog. Yesterday, I went up to the attic, where Marvin Gardens can be found -- not because he is a bat, but because his recording and musical equipment is up there, so where else would he be? -- and I asked him, "What are we gonna do with the money we saved?"

All year we have asked ourselves that. For a while we thought we'd take a trip to Italy. Then we moved 3,000 miles and ate into a lot of our savings, so Italy was kind of out.

Then we talked about splitting it and each buying a bunch of stuff, which would probably mean grooming items for me and music things for Marvin.

Anyway, for the 47th time this year, I asked Marvin that question and together we came up with the same answer: how about nothing?

How about we keep our savings as savings? We don't touch it, and we keep saving?

Now there's a thought.

So when the new year comes and we can go out there and shop, Marvin is going to get a new pair of tennis shoes and I might get another pair of sweatpants. Maybe. I have decided to use up the makeup I have, I already fixed my hair, I got some new clothes for Christmas, so you know what? I'm good.

I cannot tell you what a profound change this is for me, and for SpendyPants Marvin.

So I guess we did learn something. We learned to live with less.

I learned that there are many occasions when a phone call -- and actually LISTENING to the person you call -- is nicer than sending flowers. I learned that oftentimes, food made at home actually tastes better. I learned quiche is really easy to make.

I learned that if you are going to make Christmas gifts, give yourself many, many months, not two, or you will break out in a hideous rash, which is decidedly not Christmasy. Well, it's red...

My favorite part of this year, far and away, has been this blog. Yesterday I asked people to make comments if they haven't done so yet and as of right now, I have more than 70 comments! And please, if you haven't commented yet, do so! It was so rewarding to hear from all of you.

As they say in It's a Wonderful Life, no man is a failure who has friends, so I guess I am not a failure. I am also not a man, but whatever.

So thank you all for reading this, for commenting, for sending me gift certificates and cooking utensils and recipes and Teen Beat magazines and for trying to buy less, too. You made my year so much more fun.

Now, won't you join Marvin Gardensalad and me, June GonnaEatThat, over at Bye Bye, Pie for a year of good eating and supposed exercise?

Happy New Year to You, in Jail

Well, the ornaments are down (and at one point lying shinily on the table waiting to be packed, as you can see), the tree is sadly on the curb, everything is put back together in its nonholiday way.

I guess Christmas is over. And we have no plans for new year's eve.

Why is it so much harder to make friends when you get older? Remember college? You made friends the first day. By the time I'd lived in Seattle five months, I not only had friends that I still have today, but a serious boyfriend, too.

I have been HERE five months and yes, I know people, but were we invited anywhere for Christmas? Or New Year's? That'd be a no. Is it because we're older or because we're repugnant?

However, we can celebrate the fact that our year of not spending is officially coming to a close. We have about $6,700 to our names, which is $6,200 more than we had at the beginning of the year. Plus we hauled our arses across the country, and got established somewhere else. So I think that isn't so bad, all things considered.

Tomorrow I'll do my big goodbye to you all. But in the meantime, if you have been reading this and have never commented, could you give me a shout out? All you have to say is "Dayton Ohio delurking" or wherever you are. If you don't know how to comment, you click on "Post a comment" at the end of my post. Then just log in as anonymous.

I would love to hear from you all, if I haven't yet!

Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the window.

I went to the doctor today, in preparation for my new health blog that will begin January 1st. He did all sorts of tests so that I know what condition I am in now, then in six months, then at the end of the year. I am so excited I could spit.

I made the appointment months ago, because I wanted to get my health stats as close to 1/1/08 as I could. But I'm glad I had the appointment, because I am covered, covered I tell you, in some sort of rash.

Goodness, I do hope my friend Donna is not reading this particular entry. Rashes freak her out. So does the word "succulent." Now I have really made this a nightmare post for her.

The bad news is the doctor has no idea what is wrong with me and I have to go to a specialist. My theory is it's Lassa Fever or something.

Lassa Fever is what everybody got on General Hospital in like 1982. I think it was a way to fire the boring people (like that poor nurse Audrey, who was 702) and get a new, young cast.

I do hope you're all planning to join me over on my new blog. Then if that one gets really popular you can be cool and say, "I was reading her back when she was doing Bye Bye Buy." Kind of like how everyone tried to act like they were huge Nirvana fans before they got really big.

How much of a chance is there my health blog will become as popular as Nirvana? Is SOMEbody getting a bit big for her britches? Indeed I am. Hence the need for healthy eating.

Me and my hives will talk at you soon. I want you to know I'd really like to buy a fat caliper before January 1, but I am abstaining so far. I know. I am steely with self-discipline, aren't I?

Hey, I have a big idea. Since you all know what my New Year's resolution is, why don't you tell me yours?!

We don't need any characters around here to give the place atmosphere.

I understand that there are only four days left until I can spend like a banshee. But I was getting that red velvet cake look again so bad. Here I am this morning, pointing out my roots. Wait. I have a closer-up image. Get ready.

Seriously. I could not go another day with this hideous look. I had been trying to wait and not dye it out of a box, because I was getting so close to the end of the year. What is WITH me and the quick root growth? So, I called the hairdresser in Charlotte, where I got my hair cut last month, and they could see me TODAY. Perhaps someone here had already alerted them to the dire situation. So into my car I went.
And it only took two and a half hours and three processes! First, she had to put dye all over my ridiculous grays. Then she added highlights. Then she put toner on the ends. Oh, and then when that was all done she added toner overall.

Basically, it cost today what it would have if I'd have just gone ahead and had my hair professionally done three times this year.

Which as you can see, really annoys Winston.

I want to spend Christmas in Elmira with my family.

Remember Christmas 2005, when my cat sprayed blood on the VCR and I spent the holiday at the emergency vet? Remember Christmas 2006, which I spent completely alone, opening gifts by myself, having dinner alone?

Welcome to Christmas 2007, or as I like to call it, Sniffmas.

Who got sick right on Christmas Eve? I was feeling fine one minute -- my stepfather and mother got here, we took them on a drive through the town, which took seven minutes, and all of a sudden I started feeling a tad ...sniffy.

By midnight mass, you talk about away in a manger. That's where the congregation wished I'd go. You can imagine how happy everyone was to shake my hand and say, "Peace be with you." I got a lot of waves across the room. A whole bunch of those "Hey!" with the pointing of the thumb and forefinger.

Today was less Boxing Day and more Box of Tissues Day. It has been one of those colds where you must have Kleenex six inches from you at all times or it will not be pretty. Thank goodness I got some nice new sock monkey pajamas, and a new robe, because I got out of my old pajamas and wore those all day yesterday. I even wore them in the car, when we took a drive to look at Christmas lights. I figured there was little chance we'd run into Jude Law and I was right.

The good news is that Marvin Gardens found the DVD Arthur in the attic, which is one of my favorite movies, and wrapped it and gave it to me and I had NO IDEA it wasn't new, or that we already owned it. I was too ill to notice the whole lack of cellophane. I never would have known had my mother not spilled the beans, which Marvin was thrilled with her about.

As for me, I had decided that for Marvin, I would take a really cute picture of his grandfather playing with the family dog and frame that for his gift. I couldn't tell you about it before now, because I force Marvin to read this blog whenever I post.

At any rate, I had discovered the photo when we were at Marvin's parents' house at Thanksgiving, and had sneaked it into a book to take back. So, when it came time to UNsneak said photo out of the book, who suddenly had no photo?

Oh, did I turn this house upside down. I was panicked, I tell you. Not only would I have no good, relatively inexpensive gift for Marvin, but I would also have LOST a nice picture of his GRANDFATHER.

Finally I located it, in Marvin's desk. I have no idea why it was there. I had hidden the picture in a 1970s modeling book. Why had Marvin been perusing THAT, I ask you? Is he secretly Halston?

Well, anyway, I don't know what I was thinking. Where around here did I think I'd find a cool little frame? John Deere does not carry cool little frames. And the ones at Wal-Mart were inexplicably bad.

So Marvin did not get a framed photo, but rather the very story I told you above, except with my cold voice. "Marben, I tried to frabe you a photo ob your grandfaber..."

That was my holiday. Please now tell me about yours. My Puffs and I are eager to hear all.