Monday, December 10, 2007

It's poison I tell ya, it's poison!

Remember the part where I am doing a health blog next year? Here is what Marvin and I bought at the grocery store yesterday:

A large box of frozen taquitos

A large box of Mrs. Paul's Fish Sticks. Why do her fish stick?

A six-pack of Suzy-Qs

Grape juice (are we SEVEN?)

Rainbow-colored Twizzlers, because we support gay licorice

An avocado. Everyone needs a vegetable

A giant tub of already-shelled pistachios; we are busy executives. We don't have time for that pesky shelling

And finally? Trail mix. We are often hittin' the trails.

Seriously, we are the least-healthy eaters on the face of planet earth. And frozen taquitos are a cheat, because technically I could get my Hispanic on and cook them myself. I haven't the first clue how, but I COULD, which is our rule about what groceries we buy.

In LA, my neighbor was from Spain, and every new year's day we would make tamales. Apparently it is tradition or good luck or something. I just think it was a way to amuse Alicia, my neighbor. She would take that wet, floppy corn husk and put wet thick tamale stuff in it and roll it up in a flash. I'd be over there with husk all draping on myself, the tamale innards falling everywhere. She would literally double over with laughter. She would actually point at me and laugh.

I cannot tell you how much I miss being humiliated by her.

I also bought a blank book yesterday, for making my cousin's nursing book for Christmas. Have I thanked all of you for participating in said book? I got so much good advice; I think she will love this gift. Way better than the earrings she wanted me to make her, mainly because my earring-making skills are equalled only by my tamale-making abilities.

My mother is trying to help me by coming up with the lamest things possible for us to make her for Christmas. This is like the year she knew I was poor, so she asked for a slotted spoon. So far, she has asked that we send her our home movies and that I print out this blog. Do those sound like the most depressing Christmas gifts ever, or what? This is the woman who has saved the ornament I made in 1971 from cardboard and tin foil, so I guess she is easy to please.

Have I mentioned there are only three weeks left of this experiment?

17 comments:

Michelle Dawn said...

Mmmm fish sticks, grapejuice and gay licorice. I wish I were at your house right now! (Can you tell I'm hungry?)

I'm looking forward to reading about your new challenge on a new blog!

Charlie said...

Three weeks, is that all?? Oh how I will miss this blog. Can't wait for the new one though.

So are you planning a super shopping spree? Or are you going to be good?

Tee said...

That grocery list cracked me up! If you promise not to laugh I'll tell you what I have for my Mom for Christmas--house socks (the fuzzy kind), two Sharpies, a bar of olive oil soap, a sack of mixed hard candy, trail mix, stamps (as in US postage), bay leaves and a sack of self-rising corn meal. She's almost 90 doesn't want any more clutter. I think the slotted spoon is great, that's what she wants!

SustainableStyle said...

OMG. That list of food actually made my jaw drop, lol! Oh well. You have no where to go but up, right? I'm looking forward to the new site, especially if it means twice as much of your hilarious posts!

Bronwyn said...

A slotted spoon. That's so funny! Would she be offended if you replaced the melted Tupperware measuring cup? My mother has some 1960's era Tupperware salt and pepper shakers that are on prominent display at their cottage. I cringe every time I see those things.

I'm going to miss the spending blog too, but look forward to the health blog.

Ms.RipeMango said...

You know why my family made Tamales in December? So that we would have something to unwrap Christmas morning...Hardy-har-har...

Seriously though, think about it, if you make them you can hand everyone a gift to unwrap.

I didn't realize the Spanish made tamales also, I thought Latin Americans claimed some monopoly on them.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Bronwyn, am floored that you remember mom's Tupperware cup, as that was mentioned in my FIRST post last year! If only I could MAKE her a measuring cup.

Ripemango, I notice you've added a "Ms." Gettin' fancy! My neighbor was from Spain and was half-Japanese, as well. So ONE of those cultures was horning in on your tamales!

Ms.RipeMango said...

Yeah, I realized was my name was sort of androgynous and I guess I wanted my oh-so-deep thoughts attributed to a woman. Now I sleep better at night.


Mmmm Japanese tamales, that's an idea I get can get behind!

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Nothing says holiday cheer like fish sticks, taquitos, and gay licorice. Go June!

Becky said...

After reading your grocery list, I am quite looking forward to the health blog. :)

Hilarious.

P.S. I didn't know they made rainbow twizzlers. I'll have to try them out!

Anonymous said...

If people could see your home movies they would know it would not be a lame gift (nor the copy of the blog, but they already know how good that is). Marvin used to be in the movie business. Besides that he is very creative, and their home videos are very entertaining. I guess that sentence is intended for everyone else. Really, I would love some copies of your home videos

dcrmom said...

You must be SO THRILLED that you're almost done.

I, on the other hand, must adopt No Frivolous Spending again, after the new year. I dread it, but we need to tighten our belts if we are going to keep our house, lol.

Anonymous said...

I'm just being patient...waiting for my creative gift.

Beleaguered Officemate (former) said...

One item on the grocery list reminds me of the old "Life in Hell" strip explaining some of the mysteries of life:

Ringworm - not a ring, not a worm. It's a fungus.
Fish sticks - not a fish, not a stick. It's a fungus.

Uncle Omar said...

On the nursing front...a friend of a friend who is a critical care nurse told us that 90% of the patients in critical care range from pretty fat to morbidly obese. Hence, unless you are big and strong don't go into critical care nursing because rolling these people over to change the sheets could cause serious injury.

Kelly Garrett said...

The taquitos are probably not cheating because you would have to buy the meat, the peppers/jalapenos, any spices that you don't have on hand, onion, garlic, corn torillas, plus the gallon of oil for deep frying. I don't know if you have a pot that is suitable for deep frying, but I'm guessing not, so there's another expense. And something tells me you do not have a thermometer capable of measuring temperatures up to 360 degrees. So, the taquitos are most definately not cheating, unless you were planning on making, like, 15,000 of them.

June Cutoff Cash said...

YAY for Kelly Garrett the enabler!