Friday, November 23, 2007

Let Me Entertain You ...with No Gift

Yesterday, I had to tell a seven-year-old that I couldn't buy her a Christmas present.

Who felt like the Grinch?

The seven-year-old in question is my second cousin, Anna, who clarified our relationship yesterday in order to make the OTHER kid at Thanksgiving dinner, Emma, feel bad.

"June and my mom are cousins. So that makes June and me second cousins. What are YOU to June?"

Poor Emma looked at me, fairly panicked. So I jumped in. "Emma's mom and I are practically sisters, so that makes Emma my ***special niece***. "

I could tell this did not wash with these children. Being my second cousin was CLEARLY more important. I think it was all in the presentation.

I cannot imagine why anyone would want to admit they were related to me.

At any rate, I pulled Anna aside and told her we would be spending Christmas together, and I gave her the whole not spending in 2007 thing. She actually seemed to think that was a cool idea. So I told her that in lieu of a gift, I'd do either her hair, her makeup, or her nails for Christmas.

Well, believe it or not, she totally fell for it. She chose makeup, and asked if we could have a little preview with the new makeup Emma's mom brought me yesterday. So, we retired to the bathroom, and Thanksgiving dinner ended up being a lovely event with friends, family, and Jon Benet Ramsey.

And may I just add one more thing? During dinner, Anna got on her chair and said, "May I have everyone's attention, please? [she waited dramatically while everyone got quiet.] I would like to entertain you after dinner."

I have to tell you that Emma and I exchanged meaningful glances at this point, as we were clearly annoyed that we hadn't thought of this scheme ourselves. I had been planning to put all the black olives on my fingers later, in hopes everyone would notice me.

So look for me on a chair at my next social event.


The Hotfessional said...

June, I love that idea for your special niece. And I bet she'll remember it long after she would have forgotten anything else.

Mick Jagger said...


At the other Thanksgiving dinner I attended yesterday, someone was talking about all the "special" items they keep throughout the years but really don't know why. Another person suggested that they draw names and then instead of buying gifts, everyone would give away something that they've kept for years but didn't know why.

That is fine and good but I might end up giving Uncle Hugh a wild red size zero dress from France that my Aunt Lorrie bought me 22 years ago.

This might not be such a good idea.

Some of you may wonder why Mick Jagger would have a size zero dress from France. Some of you may not wonder at all.

Your Pal from MA said...

Dearest June,

Thanks for the Thanksgiving shout out! In my daze of being worried about my sick dog (she's had a BAD week) AND entertaining 18 guests for T-day (that's right - 18!!) I completely forgot to send you the herbs I generally send for your holiday cooking! I guess you are in MI, anyway, but will do for Xmas, for sure! We have basil, chive and rosemary going in the herb garden!

Hope it was a Happy T-day for you and yours.

And, by the way, where on earth did the word "twitterpated" arise? Love that word! :)

Your Pal from MA

Tee said...

LOL! I tell you God give us our relatives so we know how to choose our friends.

Anonymous said...

I love this. Anna totally outsmarted you and Emma BOTH, she's a girl after my own heart.

And VERY cool idea with the makeover for Christmas.

I would want to try to be related to you too.


Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Will you do my makeup for Christmas, too?

If my husband ever found out about your blog, I'd be totally screwed. He would want to institute his own "year of no spending," which would probably make me divorce him. I enjoy your nonspending vicariously.