Monday, November 26, 2007

Ho-ho-holy mother of pearl that's a lotta decorations

I'm back! Do you know that technically, it only takes an hour and 40 minutes in the air to fly between Charlotte and Detroit?

Whenever we landed back in LA, I always cursed the fact that we lived there. The airport was a nightmare, as was the shuttle, then the drive down the 405 to get home, crescendo-ing in the drive around one's home, looking for a place to park.

Remember when OJ drove down the 405? That was the last time traffic moved that fast.

Anyway, it occurs to me we are coming up to our last month of not shopping. Of course, we had to save the serious month for last. Not only will not buying Christmas presents be weird, but what about a Christmas tree? Someone recently asked me if we had a tree out front we could decorate, but all we have are gigantic oaks. And I would need a cherry picker to lift me up there for that decorating moment. Which probably costs money.

I have eight million decorations, all given to me by my mother, who I suspect is secretly Mrs. Claus. She has EVERY CHRISTMAS DECORATION EVER CREATED IN THE HISTORY OF TIME. She has a Christmas bedspread. She has Christmas ties that are not for her, but rather for my stepfather to wear EACH DAY in December. (Remember in On Golden Pond, when Henry Fonda says, "You could put on a tie and come as Miss Apply"?)

She also has:
  • Christmas toilet paper accompanied by a special tube that plays Christmas music when you roll out your paper.
  • a clock that plays a different Christmas tune at each hour.
  • Christmas china
  • reindeer ornaments for the lawn
  • welcome mats
  • aprons
  • towels
  • pot holders
  • Santa-shaped soaps in the bathroom, and what holiday would be complete without...
  • Christmas-themed covers for the doorknobs, which makes it impossible to open the door. Stay here in this house and be Christmas-y! Roast those chestnuts on that open fire! Do not TRY to escape!
Girlfriend likes her some Christmas, is what I'm saying. And I guess because she has every possible Christmas thing in her home, she started buying them for me. Now, the thing is, she goes for traditional red and green? Whereas I prefer white and silver. So she gets to buy all new things.

What I am eventually getting to here, in this long-winded A Very OCD Christmas story is that perhaps I can try decorating with all my stuff and see if not having a tree completely depresses me.

My mother is calling, so I'd best sign off. She wants to tell me about some cute Christmas votives she picked up today. I am not making this up.


Charlie said...

I thought my mum was a little crazy with her decorating. But your mum wins. Love her.

Do you have a pot plant you can decorate? Maybe someone from the garden club can lend you a little tree in a pot?

You could always just decorate the cats!

Becky said...

Don't they cut down Christmas trees in the south? Go get yourself a Charlie Brown tree! They're the best!

dcrmom said...

Decorate the cats... LOL!! I would be very depressed not to have a tree. Is there a Goodwill? Maybe they would have a tabletop tree or something for really cheap??? Ugh, just grasping at straws here.

The Hotfessional said...

Hey, wait till Christmas Eve and scarf one up.

Or, what charlie said. We used to decorate my mom's rubber tree. I'm still thinking I'd be safer with the silk ficus I have than a real tree.

M.I. Susan Harris said...

If you only lived a few states closer you could come to our house and cut down a tree. We live on a former Christmas tree farm.

If only I could figure out how to fit one in a box.

Elizabeth said...

The first two years of my marriage we were so completely broke that buying a tree was completely out of the question. That first Christmas I ended up buying a piece of green poster board, cut it into a tree shape, glued on construction-paper decorations, and taped it to a thin wooden The Husband loved it. We were proud of our Frugal Tree. We kept it for years after that -- who knows, it might still be in the basement ;-)

If making a tree doesn't appeal to you, I agree with The Hotfessional -- wait until Christmas eve. That was a family tradition when I was growing up and one I carried on with my own kids until I broke down and bought an artificial tree (long story). If you can hold out until the day or two before Christmas you can usually find a great deal. In all the years I bought real trees, I never paid more than $10.