Monday, November 5, 2007

Church Lady Goes to Work

Today is my first official day as church secretary. I was training all last week. It was terrifying. You have no idea how much THOUGHT goes into one hour of church.

Yesterday I actually went to church so I could see everyone reading the bulletin I made this past week. I sat behind this couple who picked up the bulletin and started whispering furiously to each other and shaking their heads. Oh, I wanted to vomit throughout that entire service.

At the very end, the minister made the announcements I had typed on the back of said nightmarish bulletin, and when he said the flowers on the altar were given in honor of Ella Jones' birthday, the people in front of me said, "Emma! It's EMMA!"

Well, okay then. I swear to you, I really mean it, the note I was given, written by God knows who, said Ella. I am a proofreader. I can assure you it said Ella.

Anyway, I made sure to apologize to them after. The minister's wife told me one time a woman named Joan Whitehead had died, and in that week's bulletin she'd somehow written Joan Shithead.

So things could be worse.

Talk at you after my hard-hitting job.


The Hotfessional said...

I once dated a employment verification for a mortgage (when I worked in Human Resources) 5/6/63 instead of 5/6/86 because 5/6 is my birthday and I hardly ever wrote anything else.

I bet that's how the White/Shit thing happened!

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Joan Shithead. LOVE it. That'd shake up a quiet congregation.

Linda .. the Aussie one! said...

HaHaHA Joan Shithead .. I bet that had the throng in an uproar.
I would misspell something every bulliten just to piss someone off. These people should put their energy into baking more food for the feast after the service.

Anonymous said...

May I assume that no one from the church is aware of your BLOG--you'll get run out of town!

Kelly Garrett said...

Don't worry about typos in the church bulletin. Brats like me just end up making paper airplanes out of them and throwing them off the balcony into the folks in the pews.

Tee said...

LOLROF! I'm with anonymous, I hope the church folks don't read your blog. Maybe when you get your paycheck you can figure out if it's by the hour or salary. :-)

sabrina duncan said...

well, at least your trainer didn't tell you that paper was invented in 2050 BC and that oh, did you know? that paper isn't really the best thing for this task anyway - just use the computer - now well, the computer, see, I think there's a log on and you know, I'm sure there's a reason for the log on...AND OH! IS IT HOT IN HERE? WHERE'S THAT AIR BUTTTON???

Wow - I haven't thought about the Tasmanian Devil in a long time.

Staci Carsten said...

Joan Shithead, from the minister's wife? That's too too funny!

Anonymous said...

I was trying to come up with a funny comment about Obtuse Girl and how funny the scenario was but Mike keeps asking me questions about the Hamburger Helper that's cooking and then coming in here and HOVERING over me waiting for me to finish.


I may have to fling Hamburger Helper at Mike instead of leaving you a witty and clever comment.

I'm sorry.

But I really liked this post June.