Sunday, October 28, 2007

Things I am Going to Buy January 1, 2008 at 12:01 a.m.

Okay, what'll be open then? Just my big bottle of Boone's Strawberry Hill or whatever I ring in the new year with. But as SOON as those stores open:

1. A book on World War II.

I know. Feminine. But the reason is that there is this Time Life book about island fighting that my grandfather is in. He was bored one day in like 1977, and found it at the library. (I am certain that "bored" meant he was about to drive an ax through my grandmother's head, but he would never, ever have admitted that.)

What kills me is he was so low-key about it. "Hey, I'm in one of those war books." He mentioned this at the end of dinner like a month later. I would have put up a billboard in town and stood in front of the book store dressed in my Marine outfit offering to autograph copies.

But the BEST part is that it's not just some boring soldier picture where he's standing in line looking militaristic or whatever. No. He is doing the JITTERBUG with some other (probably equally drunk) soldier, for a group of laughing ABORIGINES.

I am not making this up. And that is just so him, in a nutshell. He would do anything for a laugh, including posing with me and several mannequins in the middle of Jacobson's Department Store's fall display. (My grandmother was mortified. The ax was on the other foot at that point.)

2. A tape measure.

For anyone who actually reads this ridiculous blog, you know that I recently had to measure myself with an apron tie. It wasn't pretty for me or for the apron. Since next year I am doing a healthy living blog, I will need to capture these stunning measurements in a truer fashion.

Whenever Marvin Gardens and I dance to "Brick House," which as you can imagine is often, when they get to the "36-24-36, ow! What a winning hand" part I always sing, "36-32-40, ow!"

I delight myself every day.

3. A caliper.

Measures body fat. See above. No apron tie is gonna tell me that.

4. A SECOND pair of sweatpants.

I know. I'm livin' large.

5. A GOOD camera.

I want my blog photos to be better. I made the fatal mistake of asking my father, a former photographer who loves nothing more than comparing things before he purchases them, for his opinion on what I should buy. Good lord a-livin'.

After I awoke from the cyanide tablet I gave myself so I wouldn't have to hear about cameras anymore, I decided to buy one of the cameras Posy Gets Cozy touts on her blog.

See? No need for real relationships anymore! Just have cyberfriends! And do what the cyberfolk do!

6. Smashbox Photo Finish serum.

Makes you look perfect. I am out of it. I look less than perfect. I look like Keith Richards. Can't wait till January 1.


dcrmom said...

I don't think I've laughed this hard at a blog post in, well, at least a week. And now I can't remember all the witty comments I was going to make in reply. DANG.

Kellie said...

I am so glad that you will be continuing to blog! That makes me very happy...

Secondly, would that second pair of sweat pants be more like a light pink velor set? Or are we talking just the standard pair of sweatpants.

And, not to add flames to your non-spending fire, but shouldn't a new pair of shoes be on that list?

June Cutoff Cash said...

Kellie, I'll tell you. My mother bought me the cutest black plaid flats while I was in Michigan. So that'll tide me over for a while.

And no. I am thinking gray, sort of yoga pants kind of sweats.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Whatever you buy, you must keep blogging. We need you!

P.S. I gave you a little bloggy award today. Pop over and see!

Kellie said...

Thank the good Lord for your Mother...I was getting tired of looking at those silver ones you have been wearing all year.


June Cutoff Cash said...

Kellie, I am dying of giggles. I am wearing those stupid shoes in EVERY picture of me since July!!! I hadn't noticed. I TOLD you going a year without shopping really sucks.