Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Flush with stories

Really, I wish everyone thought they were as funny as I find my own self. When I was back in Michigan, I visited my friend Donna, whose family owns Remer Plumbing & Heating. There are many fun things on display in the store. Look at that cool selection of knob colors on the left, there!

Do you think Remer's will get a GIANT rush of business, thanks to my fascinating blog giving them a mention? Do you think they'll sue me for saying anything about them? Do you think they've figured out who peed in their display toilet?

Anyway, I just wanted to write and tie up my loose ends, as it were. I suppose saying "loose ends" next to a photo of me on the pot is not pretty.

First of all, I did end up buying the AP styleguide online. I really can use it all year, and I really can write it off, too. So I took the copy editor's test that the ad agency gave me, sent it in, they offered me $36,000 a year and I emailed them and said no thank you. Not because of the money (which would be like making $67,000 in LA), but because it's so far from home and I would have to get a studio apartment in Winston-Salem and that just seemed ridiculous.

Then as for my church secretary job, I begin training for it tomorrow evening. The current secretary is the town librarian, so we're doing it after she gets out of work. And for those of you threatening to call the minister and tell him sordid things about my past, I am sure he would not be so shocked. I can't be the first person to have stolen a Miller Light display from Ewald's bar.

Also, I keep forgetting to tell you that I spent whatever $9.99 and $11.99 added up are (I hope I don't have to do math at my church) to purchase cool old wooden chairs for our kitchen table. I found them at an antique store my mother is obsessed with. Everything there was cute cute cute. And I do think kitchen chairs are necessary. I know we could eat on the floor and pretend to be really into Asian culture or something, but please.

And finally -- unless you can think of something else I keep saying I'll tell you -- when my Aunt Mary was here, I took her to the Pee Dee Wildlife Refuge, of which I am enamored. Also it is free. Anyway, we walked around for a while, and I told her there was a drive one could take, too. So we went off on the rustic woodsy drive with Aunt Mary's rental car, only to discover a GIANT tree that had fallen in our path. Before I could even get my wits about me, Aunt Mary RACED out of the car and REACHED under the fallen log to lift it out of the way.

Okay, Jaime Sommers, I was not aware you had been in a parachute accident and received superhuman strength during your reconstructive surgery. Upon which muscle did Aunt Mary think she was going to draw upon to move a tree?

Secondly, hello, snake country! I remember telling my father I was scared of the snakes here and he jokingly said, "Just don't move a log real fast." What was his own sister then doing?

Needless to say, Aunt Mary was not able to roll a tree, so I had to get out of the car and direct her, going BACKWARDS on these TINY TWISTY roads, all the way to the entrance. You can tell this was stressful because I used all capital letters.

And that's all I have to say about that.


Kellie said...

I said it before, I'll say it again! You. Crack. Me. Up!


dcrmom said...

I love how you amuse yourself. I totally crack myself up half the time. Pathetic? I prefer to think it's a sign of some higher intellect. Or something.

Bronwyn said...

Yay to the chairs! NAY to the idiots offering a pittance! Yay to the style guide, and a giant OMG, Aunt Mary!!!!! Glad we got that all tied up. WHEW!

Good luck on your church lady training! A proofreader learning the ropes from a librarian, that church is probably the most organized church on the planet!

cpwomam said...

June, Sorry we didn't get the chance to meet. I enjoy your blog.
I wom't tell Ewald you stoled their display. Dood luck at church.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Oh, I already apologized to Ewald's, cpwoman. I went in there like 15 years later and the guy was like, "Yeah! I remember when you stole my display!"