Thursday, October 25, 2007

The One-Woman Band at June's House

It's rain rain raining. Which is good because (a) it never rains in California, the girls don't they warn ya* and (b) we are having like the worst drought in the history of time or something.

Sadly, however, I have to go out in my !!!!CAR!!! and run 72 errands. Marvin Gardens expects me to get my car inspected, get my North Carolina driver's license and get license plates. Geez, am I nothing but AVAILABLE to do these things? I have a hard-hitting secretarial job to get to today, too.

My hair is not going to look good in the license picture if it is raining. They will have to make the square bigger to fit my hair.

I wonder if you have to say how much you weigh here, like you do in LA. Cause I've been weighing "127" since I moved to California. Perhaps I will weigh "128" here, as I am 10 years older now.

Speaking of Marvin Gardens, which I wasn't but get over it, last night I was trying to look through Wisteria catalog (why do I torture myself? At the beginning of this year, all catalogs went straight to recycling. Plus also not to mention too, how did they FIND me again?) when Marvin came in and said he had to talk to me.

He looked very serious, like perhaps he was going to tell me he'd always been a Kennedy, a Jewish Kennedy, but was waiting 10 years to tell me to make sure I wasn't a gold digger. Or that he'd been a huge fan of Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance, all these years and was going to run off to join his troupe.

"I have a cold," he told me,with the solemnity of a Supreme Court Justice, "and I didn't sleep well while you weren't here. I need my sleep. Please do not disturb me now for any reason." And with that, he very dignifiedly went off to bed.

This is why I am an awful person. HOW BADLY did I want to find a way to wake him up? How MUCH did I wish I had a huge pair of cymbals and a matterhorn? I wanted to wait until midnight and jump on the bed, shaking him, to ask his opinion on who decided Jello needed fruit in it. Did it happen by accident, like the Post-it Note? Or did someone consciously do such an odd thing. Was it during the time housewives were given speed as diet pills? What did he think?

But I'll have you know that Good June took over, and I listened to the TV on low and shut the bedroom door and tiptoed around, giggling quietly at the idea of my matterhorn.

All right. I will try to do my 78 errands without hitting McDonald's.

*How terribly, terribly old am I? That was a song in like 1972. Probably no one reading this remembers it but me. I might as well quote Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-De-Ay while I'm up.


Bronwyn said...

I'm older than you. Sigh. Congrats on letting the good June take over, I think I would have had to fire up the weed eater or the blender or something, because I'm like that. Mean.

I JUST got my FL license, on Tuesday and I've lived here since June. I'm pleased to say that they do not ask you for your weight here, because I was going to say 128 as well. LOL!

Good luck on the errands and the new job! Exciting stuff.

Your pal from MA said...

Of COURSE we all remember that song! It was a big hit! Was it the Eagles?

I do love the idea of the matterhorn. I need to get me a matterhorn. How many times in one paragraph can I say "matterhorn?"

Must be nice to have your bug back. Does s/he have a name? I believe everyone should name their cars. My VW is Maritza. It means beautiful or something like that in German.

cpwoman55 said...

I remember that song too. Glad you made it home to Mr. Gardens, Hope
his cold is better.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

What a coincidence - I just got my MO license and registration done. And I weigh 128, too! That must be a popular weight for women these days.

P.S. You're a better woman than I. I would have woken him up with a fake cough. And been all like, "Oh, sorry. I'm sick, too."

Anonymous said...

Tra La La Boom De Ya I'll take your clothes away and while you're standing there, I'll take your underwear.

Marvin said...

I also mentioned that if the house caught on fire, I would just put it out in the morning. Guess I really was tired!

Anonymous said...

Hope my baby boy is feeling better.
You could at least make him some chicken soup:)

dcrmom said...

Oh. My. That was a workout. The laughter that ensued while reading your post, that is.

Anonymous said...

Ah, excuse me, but according to Tolstoy it's, "Ta Ra Ra Boom De Ay, Sit On A Curb I May".

Hey, don't yell at me, I'm not a famous dead Russian writer, (whose literary agent probably tried to get him to cut that part, but you know how stubborn some writers can be...)

No dammit, I'm not cutting that out of my post (she yelled at someone not seen off stage)

June, June, you have made me crazy!!!!!!!

sabrina duncan said...

Maybe I should grind some coffee...

Anonymous said...

To what song are you referring? I am not younger than you but older. Mother Maybelle