If I hadn't had cats all my life, and didn't know perfectly well they are soulless, empty devil creatures devoid of emotion, I would swear my cats have never loved me more. I was just on the toilet, folks, and Winston jumped on my lap and stayed there. You should have seen our bed last night. It was like we were having a cat orgy. Francis glued in between us on the pillow, Winston on my feet serving as feline slippers, for which I am eternally grateful.
It is cold. Coooooolllllld. It was like 30 last night. I have not seen 30 since, well, since I myself was 30. Before I had this toboggan run between my eyebrows. Before I had a full beard, like Pa Ingalls. Back when I was on the other side of 130 pounds. Back when my vision was maybe 20/30 instead of 20/300.
I just wanted to stick with the "30" theme. In reality, my vision is 20/400, which means that what you see at 20 feet away? It looks like it's 400 feet away for me. And now? My close-up vision is gone too. Hello, 40s! Thanks!
I just got back from the eye doctor. Can you tell? There is a doctor that comes into my tiny town twice a week. It took me one and a half minutes to drive to his office, and there was parking directly outside. The parking was free. This small-town living is not all bad.
Anyway, he told me what everybody tells me. Well, not everybody. The guy who bags my groceries rarely tells me this. But what he SAID was, now that close and far vision are both going, I have to either wear really wonky contacts that go near and far, wherever you are, I know that my heart will go on. (You're welcome.) Or, I could have Lasik surgery.
I have been toying with the idea of Lasik for a while now. I could perfect my far-away vision, then only use reading glasses when needed. It would be so much better. Everyone I know who has had it has loved it. And yes, I know there are horror stories. Someone's eyeballs fell out and now they look like Don Knotts or whatever.
I read depositions for a living for years. I have heard it all. I should technically be afraid of gas pumps, hazelnut coffee and rear-end collisions, too. But I am not.
So, please give me your opinion. I said medical necessities were viable expenses this year. Is Lasik viable? I am currently writing to you with two totally different contact ideas in my eyes. They are at war with each other. I have Begin and Sadat in my corneas.
Please be my Jimmy Carter.