Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The Cold War

If I hadn't had cats all my life, and didn't know perfectly well they are soulless, empty devil creatures devoid of emotion, I would swear my cats have never loved me more. I was just on the toilet, folks, and Winston jumped on my lap and stayed there. You should have seen our bed last night. It was like we were having a cat orgy. Francis glued in between us on the pillow, Winston on my feet serving as feline slippers, for which I am eternally grateful.

It is cold. Coooooolllllld. It was like 30 last night. I have not seen 30 since, well, since I myself was 30. Before I had this toboggan run between my eyebrows. Before I had a full beard, like Pa Ingalls. Back when I was on the other side of 130 pounds. Back when my vision was maybe 20/30 instead of 20/300.

I just wanted to stick with the "30" theme. In reality, my vision is 20/400, which means that what you see at 20 feet away? It looks like it's 400 feet away for me. And now? My close-up vision is gone too. Hello, 40s! Thanks!

I just got back from the eye doctor. Can you tell? There is a doctor that comes into my tiny town twice a week. It took me one and a half minutes to drive to his office, and there was parking directly outside. The parking was free. This small-town living is not all bad.

Anyway, he told me what everybody tells me. Well, not everybody. The guy who bags my groceries rarely tells me this. But what he SAID was, now that close and far vision are both going, I have to either wear really wonky contacts that go near and far, wherever you are, I know that my heart will go on. (You're welcome.) Or, I could have Lasik surgery.

I have been toying with the idea of Lasik for a while now. I could perfect my far-away vision, then only use reading glasses when needed. It would be so much better. Everyone I know who has had it has loved it. And yes, I know there are horror stories. Someone's eyeballs fell out and now they look like Don Knotts or whatever.

I read depositions for a living for years. I have heard it all. I should technically be afraid of gas pumps, hazelnut coffee and rear-end collisions, too. But I am not.

So, please give me your opinion. I said medical necessities were viable expenses this year. Is Lasik viable? I am currently writing to you with two totally different contact ideas in my eyes. They are at war with each other. I have Begin and Sadat in my corneas.

Please be my Jimmy Carter.


The Hotfessional said...

Insurance coverage for any of it? Viable. All out of pocket? Wait until next year (which isn't all that far away). Unless you can't get by at all, and then it becomes viable because no one should have double expense. But then, maybe they won't be able to fit you in until next year anyway.

Sorry, Sadat and Begin in my computer, too.

Linda .. the Aussie one! said...

Because your eyes are your "tools of trade" so to speak .. wouldn't this be a tax deduction?
Also .. keeping on with the "tools of trade" theme .. wouldn't a proceedure to enable you to be able to keep working be deemed a medical necessity?
It used to drive me nuts when Kelly .. our little cat who died in February .. would climb into bed with us in winter .. I had HIM on one side and HER on the other and me in the middle having hot flashes .. menopause is a b****.
Have a grand day June!

June Cutoff Cash said...

Oh, you know what, Hotfessional? Our insurance DOES cover some of it, but I never would have remembered that had you not asked me. I am so used to insurance NOT covering it. Thanks.

And if you are so hot, can you come here and just radiate heat? My hands are actually numb right now.

Anonymous said...

get the lasik.... but tell me about being afraid of hazelnut coffee first. why?

June Cutoff Cash said...


I cannot tell you about the hazelnut coffee. I am unable to talk about the depositions I have read, even tho I have really, really good celebrity gossip. A-list people. Haven't told a soul any of it. Kills me.

The hazelnut coffee deposition? Most interesting one I ever read. Sometimes I miss that job.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

I say get it before the end of the year. Like right now. Then you blog and tell us all about it because I really, really want it, too. That's my vote.

Becky said...

Do it. If for no other reason than the fact that you can!

I desperately want to get Lasik, but they won't do it on anyone with an autoimmune disease.

So I'm stuck with contacts. Stinks.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Is that so, Becky? I didn't know that. It DOES suck. I wondered why they were asking me what else was wrong with me when I filled out those 28 forms.

Uncle Omar said...

I had the lasik 9 years ago Friday and I'm still 20/15. So what if I need reading glasses. But, if you're going to have the Lasik have it done by someone reputable and not some dipstick who charges $350.00 per eye and then leaves town. Those are the ones whose patients end up looking like Don Knotts--and looking for the doctor with firearms.

Tee said...

I have concerns about the long-term affect, or is that effect? of this surgery. I don't think it's been around long enough for concrete conclusions, so for now I'm thankful for trifocals.

My cat loves sleeping with us, but with his normal body temp at 101 it makes me SWEAT!

June Cutoff Cash said...

Oh, Tee. You just asked the proofreader a spelling question. Now, aren't you already sorry?

If you can replace "affect" with the word "alter," you have spelled it right. So, you wouldn't be able to "see the long-term alters," so in that case it would be "effects."

Have you got me on this? Because if not, I will GLADLY come over and talk to you about it for 37 hours. I love these sorts of things.

Megan said...

the Don Knotts commment made me snort through the nose! Sorry, I have nothing to give ya on the Lasik--its something I've dreamed about for the last couple years (the being-able to see 3 feet past my nose without glasses part, not the having a laser slice through my retina part). I'll definitely be waiting to hear what you decide!

dcrmom said...

LMAO! O my gosh, where do you come up with this stuff!? Okay, I say, GO FOR IT!!! It's kind of like my invisalign. Is it a medical necessity? No. But we're acting like it is. LOL. I would love to hear how it goes. Both Hubs and I are on the wrong side of 35, and we're both near-sighted. We may be considering Lasik before too awfully long.

Burbanmom said...


Go for it! I had the surgery over ten years ago and I've been very happy with it!

Also, don't forget that if you itemize your deductions and your total annual medical costs exceed 7.5% of your adjusted gross income, they can be deducted. That should include everything from your surgery to the bottles of Tylenol you buy at Walgreeens.(Check with your accountant to make sure that number hasn't changed).

Good luck!

June Cutoff Cash said...

Dear Burbanmom,


Kelly Garrett said...

I say go for it. Your eyeballs are at war with themselves and that will only make your vision problems more severe and more expensive in the long run.

BTW, I love cuddly cats in the winter. Mine are are cuddly in the summer, so I can just imagine if I was with them in 30 degree weather. I don't think I'd ever leave my bed.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Kelly Garrett, I cannot tell you how I have missed you and your comment-y ass. Have you been out hawking your Kmart nylons?

Anyway, welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out.

Kelly Garrett said...

Sabrina and I were on a very important mission over the past few days. And who says we still can't go undercover as high school students?

Anonymous said...

June, I just want you to know that there is another way to judge the effect and affect stuff. Affect can mean the emotional face you present to the public, your expressed feelings. Keep this in mind if you are proofreading a deposition or anything else that references psychiatric issues. Love your blog.

Anonymous said...

Are you aware that there is an ad for Habitat for Humanity on your site because you mentioned Jimmy Carter?

June Cutoff Cash said...

Yes, anonymous, there is the transitive verb "affect," as well.

Anonymous said...

I'll be your Jimmy Carter. Get Lasik, do it.

Thanks for the Celine Dion intro that I now can't get out of my head. :)


Emily said...

Gosh, I think that's a reasonable expense, the Lasik. Can't wait to hear what you decided.