Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I could have been Jennifer on WKRP

Seriously. WHO told me I could proofread for a living? I made the BIGGEST mistake yesterday and had to spend the whole day sweatily fixing it. WHY did I think this was a job I was good at?

I am a flibbertygibbet. I think that goes without saying. I think no one ever wants to hear the word "flibbertygibbet" again anyway, so we're set. But really, I am a... you know. I should be a CRUISE director, or a movie star, or a princess. But a quiet, introverted job like proofreader? WHYYYYYY?

Anyway, I currently have no other choice, so I guess I'll proof the reading or read the proofs or whatever again tomorrow. Girlfriend has to bring home the sixteen dollars an hour or whatever sad sum she is currently dragging home.

You know, I was once a receptionist. I chose this profession when I first moved to Seattle, based mostly on the fact that there was a bar on the first floor of the building. This career worked for me. I dated FedEx delivery men, I chatted with the guy who came in to water the plants, I wrote funny things on people's messages. ("Jerry from WINK TV called. Said he had his EYE on you!")

But when I started dating Marvin Gardens, he got all self-esTEEm building on my ass. "Why are you doing this for a living? I see you doing so much MORE." Marvin was never much of a drinker. The whole bar-in-the-building thing did not sway him.

So that's why I proofread today. It is all Marvin's fault. HE should have been the one perspiring and tensing and cursing and mewling at this very desk all day.

But he can't cause he isn't here. And that is why I have gathered you all here today. Marvin had to go out of town, somewhere cool, for the night, for work. Could I have crammed more commas into that last sentence? His trip was paid for by his work, and he wanted me to come along. Have a swell time at the Holiday Inn or whatever. But you know what I did? I stayed here. I stayed here because it would have COST MONEY, and we are NOT SPENDING.

So it's just me, a can of Pringles, and eight episodes of Gray's Anatomy from Netflix. We are allowed Netflix because it is an expense we already had. Shut up.

McFlibbertygibbet out.

10 comments:

jtcosby said...

I must comment...I must...you are making money...for this, I am jealous...I have even applied to Kroger, Sam's and Walmart...and NO ONE has called me back!! Dare I say I am pathetic...no I choose to believe it is because they have not realized their need for an amazing young woman (HA) such as myself to permeate (is that right) their walls with my humor, beauty, and grace...HA HA HA! Just kidding...I really don't see you sitting somewhere not talking to anyone...it just isn't in the picture I have of you in my head... ;) but you go girl!!!

sabrina duncan said...

But had you still been receiving at BMRS (as you could still be), I think you would be much more depressed than you are even today in mayberry.

However, I'm sure Smithers would be excited that you were there. Do you think Smithers is still alive? How old would she be? Where would her boobs be at this point? Certainly not pointing, other than down I guess.

June Cutoff Cash said...

jtcosby, that's HORRIBLE! Those bastards. Why don't they call you? You see? Something wonderful is on its way. That's why.

You wanna be a proofreader?

EBarker said...

I just wanted to say, I love you. I'm here at my desk getting ready for another hellish crazy day at work and you amuse me greatly.

P.S. Don't you miss the gallery jobs at your door when you arrive in the morning?

Linda .. the Aussie one said...

I agree .. you would be a perfect princess. Princess June and Prince Marvin .. yep .. that sure has got a ring to it. :o)

Does it snow where you are in NC? Having come from the sub tropics of Australia where the only snow we see is on Christmas cards .. I have this romantic idea about living in some place that gets a little snow. This romantic vision also has me wearing size 10 pants .. with long flowing hair .. and extremely wealthy *sigh*

Staci Carsten said...

I started out as a receptionist too. Sometimes I fantasize about the days when angry people would call and I could say, "Oh, sorry, I'm JUST the receptionist -- let me transfer you."

Some days I REALLY want to be able to say that again.

Catherine said...

You are a good writer and I believe you must be a good proofreader. Don't let one mistake get you down. Everyone makes them. Nothing is perfect. Please don't tell my boss I said any of this. I too am trying to convince them I'm perfect.

Have you considered... the wonderful world of copy editing? Yep, that's where the big bucks are. Although I really like proofreading too.

You're a star! A somewhat depressed star. I don't even know you in real life, I just think you're a star from your blog. So that's proof.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Thank you, Catherine. And I DO copy edit, as well. What we really need to be doing is copyWRITING. I know somene who makes a THOUSAND DOLLARS A DAY copywriting. I have no idea why one could garner that much, but I will write about [insert something really boring here] if I got that much.

Golf! I would write about GOLF, if it garnered me that much.

Stephanie said...

June - Love your blog. I belong to a yahoo group called The Compact. One of my fellow compactors found your blog and forwarded it. We also are not buying new and have committed to it for a year since January 07. Anyway, you're hilarious and I'm so happy to have something funny to read online. Stephanie

Laura Brandon said...

GrEy's Anatomy is spelled with an E when you are referring to the TV show.