Now that I have been gone from my job in LA for almost two months, I feel it is safe to tell you something that I have wanted to tell you since February. It is a chilling tale. It is
JUNE'S BIGGEST CHEAT THIS YEAR!!
I wish I had that dramatic chipmunk music. Have you seen that video on YouTube? Can I put it on here or will I get sued? Dcrmom hates it when people put YouTube on their blogs.
Okay. I'm gonna say it again, and then you click on the video. It'll be so dramatic.
It's JUNE'S BIGGEST CHEAT THIS YEAR!
And yes, I know it is a prairie dog and not a chipmunk. I didn't name the stupid thing.
The story begins back in November of 2006, before you knew me. Remember those heady days, when "Marvin Gardens" was just a piece of Monopoly property?
I had been at my job nine months. I liked it there. Then one night, out of the blue, during Entertainment Tonight and The Insider, my phone rang. It was this fancy finance company that I had interviewed with in 2005. They had another copy editor position coming up, and did I want it?
You guys, they pursued me. They called, they cajoled, they stood outside my window and played "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel. I mean, this company wanted me.
Finally, in FEBRUARY, three months later, I decided to go there for an interview. It was way closer than my current job -- a drive of 15 minutes rather than an hour. Plus, they paid seventy million dollars a week, they gave you three weeks' vacation your first year, two bonuses, and all those ridiculous government holidays off, just like my stepsister the librarian has. That chick is never at work. "It's Arbor Day. We have the day off." Whatever with her.
So I took a personal day from the job I liked. When I woke up the morning of the interview, I was putting on the one suit I own and have had since 2002 when I realized...(maybe you should go replay the dramatic music)
I HAD LEFT MY MAKEUP AT WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because my commute was so terrible, and as a result I got there reallyreallyreallyreally early to avoid traffic, I would put my makeup on when I arrived. Do not ask me why I took ALL of it to work. I guess because it was all in this cute brown train case, and it was just easier to throw that in my car rather than pick through it and decide what came to work and what didn't.
But you guys. This was an interview for a fancy-ass job and yours truly is no spring chicken. I could NOT go there with zero makeup. I would not look fresh-faced. I would look like Merle Haggard.
So here's what I had to do. I had to scream over to CVS, crying in my suit, and buy all new makeup. Now fortunately, given my love for the cosmetics, I had basically been training for this event since I was nine. I was able to get foundation, eye shadow, an eyebrow brush, eyeliner, mascara and lipstick in about 27 seconds. When I got to the counter, the CVS worker said, "Would you like to apply for a CVS card today?! You'll save --"
"I HAVE A HUGE INTERVIEW IN HALF AN HOUR AND I HAVE NO MAKEUP!" I screamed. She shut up and put everything in a bag.
Anyway, they did offer me the job, after making me go there three times and interview with more than 10 people, but I turned it down. And every day I have to look at that illegal makeup, and I have been unable to tell you about it because I didn't want to get in trouble at what used to be my current job.
I think I spent like $37 on that makeup, and it was all Maybelline or some lowbrow brand. And you know I have used it all year? I used up the lipstick totally, and the eye shadow is low and the eye pencil is gone, too. I have virtually ignored my expensive makeup, sitting fancy and angry at the bottom of that train case.
So that's the tale. Oh, it's a relief to be truthful.