Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Clothes make the man really silly looking

I have a 17-page paper on research committees to proofread, and it was written by someone with an Ø in their name, so you know it's gonna be screwy English. And I have to get it done in the next four hours, because as soon as Marvin gets home we are OUT the door, and he's gonna be Mr. CrankerTrousers if he gets home and I had all day to proofread and yet I'm not done and what did I DO all day.

Nevertheless, dcrmom sent me a meme. So I must do it. I must do it now.

No one in blogworld knows what "meme" means. I love it that someone completely made up a word and we are all saying it. I am going to try that. I officially make up the word...sparklefraffle.

All words should have "sparkle" somewhere in them.

Okay, so my meme is, I have to list five of my clothing pet peeves. I know I am being deep on September 11th. Here we go:

Holiday sweaters. I am going to offend all of my female relatives, but cut it out with the seasonal sweaters. We know what holiday it is. We don't also need to see that shamrock in 3-D on your midsection.

Holiday socks. See above. Replace "midsection" with "instep." I have now been disowned. I will have to go in the basement and drink beer with the men in my family, because no one is lettin' me in the kitchen anymore. Not that I tried to help out in that kitchen so often.

Ill-fitting clothes. Now, this is a teenager thing and I know I am old because I do not get it. WHY is showing your muffin top acceptable? And do not get me wrong. I think women can be beautiful at all sizes. Give me Marilyn Monroe's body over Cameron Diaz's any day. But you didn't see Marilyn in low-hung pants and a short short T. Actually, she probably could have pulled that off.

I feel the same way about baggy clothes. With the underwear showing. When did I turn 147?

Irony. Yes, it's hilARious that you are hip AND you have on a redneck hat. Ooo! Somebody stop you! It's been done. Move on.

Men in flip-flops. This never bothered me until I met Marvin Gardens who canNOT stand feet. Oh, he gets sick at the sight of them. We have often joked that his worst job ever would be fitting people for toe rings on Venice Beach. So now, just like how I no longer drink anything with carbonation, I am also bothered by exposed feet -- but only on men. Somehow it skeeves me out.

I certainly hope no man is reading this in his holiday sweater, socks, flip flops and ironic hat with his muffin top hanging out, cause man, did I just lose a reader. And by the way, I am writing this in sweats from Target and the tank top I slept in. So I am one to talk.



Lisa said...

I didn't know Marvin had a hate on for feet. I don't mind feet but I hate all types mandels (thats man sandels).

dcrmom said...

I am now laughing my ever lovin' head off, and my kids are looking at me funny. I think it's your post, but in all honestly, it MIGHT have something to do with the two or ten glasses of wine I had tonight. And yeah, it's only 6pm. Do the math.


Okay, I'm coherent now. I'm SO with Marvin on exposed feet. I hate feet. Hubby knows better than to try to touch me with his feet. EW. Flip flops on men should really be illegal.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

If there is a demographic with a man wearing holiday sweaters, socks, trucker hats, muffin tops, and tight and/or baggy pants...MAY YOU LOSE HIM AS A READER FOREVER. You DON'T want that someone as a fan. He just might be a Sparklefraffle. Seriously.

Laughed my head off. Needed it on this day, too. Thanks, sister.

Anonymous said...

Best meme ever: Lolcats. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolcat

June Cutoff Cash said...

"He just might be a sparklefraffle." Heeeeee...

Kathryn said...

My question is how you pronounce meme? Is it me me (as in me, myself and I with two syllables), is it meem (because the e on the end makes the e in the middle a long vowel sound and only one syllable) or is it meh-meh because even though one can't really be bothered to answer all those questions, one usually does anyway?

Love your blog! Have particularly enjoyed that culture shock posts!

Lara said...

I have a good friend who had a guy in her sunday school class that was always using big words. One day they had a sunday school party that this guy missed and they decided to play a joke on him by making up a word and using it in class next Sunday. The word was "dysleptric" and the meaning was to make a bad choice on purpose. They teacher was talking about David and Bathsheba (king of Isreal and a married woman whoes husband he had killed so he could marry her) and one of the sunday school memebers said, "That was very dysleptric of David." The wordsmith in the class fell for it hook line and sinker. He came back to class the next Sunday quite amused that they had so successfully pulled one over on him. Stories like this add Sparklefraffle to my life!

June Cutoff Cash said...

I am enjoying everyone's interpretation of "sparklefraffle." It was dysleptric of me to assault everyone with it, but I like it.

And in my head, which should not be trusted, I say it "meeeeem."

Kelly Garrett said...

I agree with you on all counts, June. You have the style sense of an angel.

I do not enjoy sandels on men at all! (beach and poolside only) I can't tell you how many men I have found dreamy until I look down at their exposed feet, at which point I want to vomit. And when you think of all the sandel styles out there, I am sure that you will concur that flip flops are actually the least offensive.

Lara said...

The voices in my head say, I mean I say, meeeem too...this all reminds me of Sniglets and especially the one for that piece of lint that you vacuum over, doesn't get picked up, you vacuum over again, pick it up, look at it and put it back down on the carpet to give the vacuum one last chance to save it's job...can't remember the sniglet for it though :)