Sunday, September 23, 2007

For every jewel turn turn turn, there is a season turn turn turn.

My Aunt Mary, who hails from Colorado, came to visit us this weekend.

In case you are thinking, "That Aunt Mary is some jet-setter, going from Colorado to North Carolina just for a weekend" (and if you are thinking that, are you really that big of a nerd? Is this my demographic? People who say things like "some jet-setter"?), in reality, Aunt Mary had a conference over here on this part of the earth, and she just finished up her week with us. That's all. Don't get too excited. Aunt Mary isn't gettin' on her private plane for a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich or anything.

When one is not spending, it is sort of a challenge to have a visitor. "Hey, welcome. Want to watch our four TV channels? We can't go anywhere except for 17 walks a day. Do you like Reba?"

So, one thing I did was take Aunt Mary out on the town. Which took 17 minutes. The town is three blocks long. But here's the thing about my aunt. Let's say, God forbid, that Aunt Mary fell over dead and for some reason none of us had much money for the tombstone engraving. We could save a bundle and encapsulate her like this:

Aunt Mary.
She shopped.

In fact, she has probably already bought a stone at a deep discount during "Funeral Friday" or something on QVC.

You have seriously never met anyone who shops as much as Aunt Mary. She has over 100 pairs of shoes. She recently lost weight and donated like 62 pairs of pants to charity. Her husband files for divorce twice a year, when he has to lug the winter clothes in and take the summer clothes out and vice versa.

And knickknacks? Don't get me started.

And ALL of these things were bought at 689% off. "Oh, this Chanel suit? I found it at DressBarn for $1.50." She has never paid full price for ANything, ever, in her life.

This drawn-out description was necessary so you could feel the mirth I felt when, not one hour into her visit, Aunt Mary found a STORE, in this three-block town, that I have never been to. "What's this place?!" she squealed. The woman has a divining rod in her hair or something.

And it was the cutest place! It's kind of a consignment/antique shop, and it had a ton of stuff. Most important, a cat lived at the store. She is gray and her name is Tabatha.

I guess it goes without saying that Aunt Mary bought her a little something, and even a gift for me.

For the rest of the weekend, we went to the nature preserve where we were almost stuck for the rest of our lives (which is a whole 'nother Oprah), we made dinner out of vegetables we bought at a roadside stand, we went to an antique fair which involved a long country drive and we went to the Pee Dee River, because it is just fun to say "Pee Dee."

I must admit that we also took Aunt Mary to the drive-in theater, but in our defense, we brought our own popcorn. She also bought us dinner at the grill here in town, of which I am so enamored.

So that was how I cheated a little and mostly skirted the spending this weekend. Oh! But before I go, I wonder if you could help a sister out and comment on the following.

Last night I was trying to untangle my necklaces, and Aunt Mary said, "That reminds me. I have to get my autumn jewelry out." Her AUTUMN JEWELRY. She was as appalled at ME as I was at HER.

"Everyone has seasonal jewelry!" Home Shopping Network told me. "I mean, you don't wear a white necklace in January!"

Okay, Joan Collins, I don't OWN a white necklace. But I told her I would ask you guys, since I am sure I am right and she is sure SHE is right.

Do you have seasonal jewelry? Do tell. I won't make fun of you. Really.


Catherine said...

Funny post! You made me miss my Aunt Mary, who doesn't sound much like your Aunt Mary -- mine wasn't a shopping jet-setter (!) but was very generous with affection and food.

I do not have seasonal jewelry per se, but there are some earrings that go better with darker or heavier clothes and some that are little frilly summer things. I don't wear much other jewelry and I don't have enough of it to put away or take out seasonally.

Bronwyn said...

Good NIGHT! Never heard of "seasonal jewelry". I'm a simple kind of girl. I simply like diamonds. Aren't diamonds trans-seasonal? Truthfully, I barely have jewelry at all. I do have a nice watch, which I never wear, and now the battery is dead. I have two wedding rings (long story, both from my husband), rarely wear them either. Hardly ever wear earrings, but, I DO have a pair of seahorse earrings. Do those count as summer earrings?

In case you should think I'm just a slob, I simply got in the habit of not wearing jewelry while working in a hospital with babies, so that the clasps and prongs and such would not scratch their delicate skin.

jtcosby said...

Seasonal Jewelry? HA HA HA HA! That is hilarious! I don't even have yearly jewelry or modern jewelry...I just wear's a lot more convenient...especially if I am going for seasonally appropriate ;)

dcrmom said...

Seasonal jewelry!? LMAO!

Um, that would be NO.

June Cutoff Cash said...

See? I like where this is headed. As in, I am right. Now I'll wake up tomorrow and have 649 women saying, "Of course I have seasonal jewelry! What's wrong with catherine, bronwyn, jtcosby and you?"

I have one pave heart diamond necklace I wear every day that Marvin Gardens bought me for our fifth anniversary. That and my wedding rings. Done.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

I think one could not even classify my entire collection of earrings, bracelets, and necklaces as real jewelery; let alone seasonal appropriate. I am a no-frills girl. If I can make it out the door not in my sweatpants, that's me all gussied up.

Kelly Garrett said...

The only seasonal jewelry you need to worry about is this, June: It is always in season for a man to buy you jewelry.

Anonymous said...

The only seasonal things I had were inexpensive holiday items I received over 30 years from my middle school students. Last year was my final year before retirement, so I gave it away to students as each holiday arrived. I still have a few Christmas items.

Gold and sterling work for any season.

Your aunt sounds like a friend of mine who never pays full price for things.

Burbanmom said...

Well it looks like I'll be the lone voice of dissent here. I actually do have seasonal jewelry, sort of.

Normally I only wear my wedding rings, a watch and a pair of diamond studs. However, in the fall, I add in my lovely pearl-and-gold-block-letter mothers bracelet. It is NEVER worn during the summer, because the pool water and the sweat make it turn my wrist green. Ergo, it is Autumn/Winter jewelry.

Kathryn said...

I totally agree with Bronwyn about diamonds and Kelly about men, but yes, I do have seasonal jewelry. Like scarves and perfume, some of my stuff is more suited to autumn/winter (whether it's color or weight) than summer months. But, jewelry is my thing. I don't have thirty pairs of shoes, I don't have a lot of clothes; I do have a lot of jewelry (and scarves/shawls).

Very much looking forward to hearing about the nature preserve escapade!

kduray said... I can't say I've ever even heard the term "seasonal jewelry" before.

I wear my wedding rings, a watch, and usually earrings, but that's about it.

Denise in Las Vegas said...

Of COURSE I have seasonal jewelry! I have Christmas earrings and pins, Halloween earrings and a pumpkin pin that lights up, and a little flag pin and red/white/blue earrings for the 4th of July.

Oh, you meant *serious* jewelry?

Never mind.

Sarah said...

Not when you own less than 10 jewelry items, you don't have "seaonal jewelry." My silver hoop earrings and their kin last me all year, all seasons.

Anonymous said...

I have a question...How old is Aunt Mary? I cannot - for the life of me - IMAGINE having a white necklace. My Gramma M. in Saginaw? You bet.

Maybe it's a generational thing. I don't know anyone who has "seasonal jewelry."

However, I would NEVER wear white pants after labor day - same with white shoes. Then, again, white shoes are very unattractive on anyone, really.

Do you agree, June?

eggandcheesesandwich said...

I've never heard of seasonal jewelry. My mother has seasonal EVERYTHING: tablecloths, place mats, candlesticks, wall hangings, clothes, shoes, front door wreaths, etc... but no seasonal jewelry. I'd better not let her read your blog or I'm sure she'll come up with some.

Lara said...

Nope no seasonal jewelry. I do have some seasonal sweaters but I'm starting to think I look to much like an elementary school teacher in them so I hardly every wear them.

Linda .. the Aussie one! said...

Well oh course I have my Christmas earings that I wouldn't wear at any other time of the year but the days leading up to and including Christmas day .. but other than that .. seasonal jewelry .. hahaha

Shoot I hardly have seasonal clothes .. honestly .. I have summer clothes and sweaters.

I'll tell you something though .. I did go to the store an get me some of that there hair glaze you talked about .. :o)

sabrina duncan said...

Seasonal makes me picture Santa pins that light up or reindeer pins with glowing noses....

All horrifying.

I only wear a necklace that says "sabrina".

Anonymous said...

All these comments are reminding me of Ann Landers questions about how to unroll the toilet paper and whether women would chose sex or just cuddling. I think you are about to go national.

Tee said...

I've never heard of seasonal jewelry! I only wear the few nice pieces my husband has given me over the years (41) for anniversary gifts. If pearls count as a white necklace, I suppose I have one, but they are worn year round, certainly not seasonal for me!

Anonymous said...

Let me set the record straight--Seasonal jewelry is not the same as Holiday jewelry. And no, I do not own a white necklace nor am I old. But if you are into coordination, the jewelry must match. Most people do this but do not realize it. I'm not going to wear a pink sapphire in Feburary, heavier gold looks better in fall/winter as does garnet, yellow topaz, emeralds and rubies. And yes I own them all and proud of it. I like gems--as an adult I realized it all started when,as a child, I received,as a gift, a beautiful fairy tale book. It had the most beautiful illustrations including a cat covered in gems. It stuck with me. I do like a bargain. And I do have a wonderful husband who buys many of my beautiful gems. He has learned a lot about gems and is my gem of a man. For all of you readers--Jane is looking good with the red hair.The town is charming. Lots of old beautiful homes and all is well. And I did not purchase anything for myself in the consignment store! And finally Jane did not tell you that she is in my will and will inherit all
the jewelry but she also gets the ugly 70's china.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Okay, Aunt Mary who chooses to remain anonymous. I may be in your will, but my name is JUNE, not JANE. You had better straighten that out with the probate court.

I knew you'd be pissed off at whomever asked if you were old. teeee...

sabrina duncan said...

so, was Aunt Mary at a QVC conference??? And did they have any updated Sabrina necklaces? Maybe with some sparklefraffle on them?

June Cutoff Cash said...

A QVC conference. Who is in hysterics?

Yes. It was an all-sparklefraffle, all-the-time conference sponsored by QVC.

Anonymous said...

Could it be that I have confused my nieces and it is really Baby Jane that is in the will?? I'm getting sooo very old!

Anonymous said...

Diamonds are never out of season.

Katharyn said...

I’m quite the jewelry fan, and I have piece that get warn more in specific seasons, but aren’t season specific. A gold necklace with leaves of different reds and greens seams of Fall, so I wear it mostly in fall… that doesn’t mean I don’t wear it if the mood takes me. While a small beaded necklace would simply disappear if wearing a sweater and therefore mostly gets worn in the spring and summer, etc. However, if I shopped like your aunt – I might just go to the trouble of having a seasonal jewelry wear (with TONS of jewelry, picking out what to wear could become very overwhelming).

As for the no white jewelry in January… I will refer to the movie Cereal Mom. The star may have kills her lawyer for wearing white shoes after Labor Day, but she herself was wearing white pearls!

Of course the shopping network is going to tell you that everyone has seasonal jewelry… so you’ll think you’re out of the consumer driven loop and buy more! Sucker!