Thursday, September 20, 2007

I Want to Rock the Hair Dye with You...

I have such exciting hair news!

I always feel bad for the five men who read this blog when I talk about my hair.

That was a poorly constructed sentence.

When I talk about my hair, I always feel bad for the five men who read this blog. There.

Actually, three of the men who I know read this are gay, so the hair talk is probably fine. ...No. My uncle is not gay that way. He is no fun at all, and should just go ahead and spit and scratch and like women, because there is NO celebrity gossip, NO decorating advice and CERTAINLY no hair interest. He is forever emailing me articles on the state of the world and cerebral crap like that.

Every time he sends me one of those dull articles from The New York Times or wherever, I make it a point to forward him an article on Tori Spelling.

So, straight and uninterested gay men, I apologize. Now I must get into the hair talk.

My lovely roots were showing again, although I have to tell you that it took longer than usual thanks to my Aunt Mary sending me that John Freida hair glaze stuff. I'll bet I got a good two weeks without dying out of that stuff. That was another poorly constructed sentence.

So last night we went to the store so I could get me some dye. Now, let me tell you what's beginning to happen. It is starting to be that we can go NOWHERE without knowing someone. We saw two of Marvin's coworkers at the grocery store the other night, and then last night I'm all loaded up on the hair dye and I hear Marvin go, "Hey!"

I met the nicest couple, the woman being another teacher at Marvin's school. Turns out the man likes Michael Jackson, and I have probably failed to mention that Marvin Gardens worked for Michael Jackson for a few years. Somehow Marvin had already MENTIONED this to his entire school, and the woman had already told her husband, and then lo and behold there we all were at the drug store.

Well, Michael Jackson wasn't.

Now, I understand that this occasion could not have been any less about me. Everyone was kind of focused on Marvin and his brush with "greatness." (He insists that Michael Jackson is not a child molester, by the way. Maybe I'll have him do a guest post, if y'all are so inclined.) But I could not help but be terribly conscious of the fact that I had not one, but TWO boxes of hair dye in my hands. "Hi! I am a fake, tarted-up woman! Got any push-up bras up in here? How about press-on nails? Any press-on nails? Do they sell grilles for your teeth in that aisle down there? And hey, where can I get my weave worked on?"

I don't know. It was just weird. I wish I had been holding something respectable, like hand towels and Lysol.

At any rate, I used an EVEN CHEAPER hair dye than before: Revlon. (I used to use L'Oreal.) AND I went crazy and bought one box of medium brown and one box of medium auburn, so I got a really dark red color that is decidedly not burgundy. Which I wanted to avoid. It just doesn't look good with my grille.

So the good news is it turned out really great! I think each box of dye cost less than $3. Now, do not get me wrong. When my year is up, I am SO going back to highlights, lowlights, light my fire, light my fanny and call me Harry, whatever. But for now I am quite pleased.

And to my uncle, next time we will discuss the primaries and the national debt, I promise.

9 comments:

dcrmom said...

And WHERE are the pictures? Huh? HUH? :-)

Bronwyn said...

Marvin knows Michael!?! I don't know how you could have had a blog for this long and not mention it! YES! YES! A guest post from Marvin is in order! Now I have Billy Jean floating around my brain, not necessarily a bad thing.

I need to get some of this John Frieda stuff. I too am suffering from exposed roots. I had natural red hair until the gray started taking over and making it a wan shade of orangey-pink. So now, I have fake (but hopefully natural LOOKING) red hair and usually have a nice stripe along the top. What does the glaze do, exactly?

And, to close this comment, which is almost as long as a blog, just be happy that you weren't caught with feminine hygiene supplies. I hate that worse than being caught with hair dye.

June Cutoff Cash said...

I will try to photograph the locks this wknd, dcr.

And Bronwyn, I had the same thought. Things could be worse.

Glaze goes on after hair conditioner. It stays on for three minutes and then you rinse it off. It has the consistency of a really gel-like conditioner. It leaves a little color and shine on your hair, and the results build up over time. You do it 3X a week. I highly recommend it. Go look at a drugstore that carries John Freida. You'd think I had stock in John Freida.

fully operational battle station said...

Press on nails? Oh, that's too funny.

And uh, WHAT THE HELL?! Marvin knows Michael Jackson?!?!?!?

Can I just say that I obsessed over every Michael Jackson video ever made when I was about 15? Remember the Time? Whole dance memorized. Billie Jean? Whole dance memorized. Thriller? Piece of cake. The video in the parking garage? Know it by heart.

HOW COULD YOU KEEP SUCH SECRETS FROM ME?

Jamie

Linda .. the Aussie one! said...

Oh I typed a comment earlier .. and it got sucked into the abyys. to say I'm crushed would be an understatement .. oh it was witty .. amusing .. informative .. it was a masterpiece .. but gone .. totally gone .. now I can't remember what I wrote .. Oh the pain .. the pain.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

Oh, you just make me laugh and laugh. You and your so-called poorly constructed sentences. Love 'em. LOVE.

Kellie said...

At least you weren't holding feminine product.

Looking forward to a pic!

kellie

Michael Jackson said...

Hi. Um, actually Marvin's got me all wrong.

Oh, and do you want to talk about hair products? Well, I've got stories, sister; believe me.

MJ



p.s. I'm wearing a ROBE

Tee said...

I thought you were going to say you had two boxes of tampons. LOL! Yep, when you live in a small town you get to know lots of people. Now that the word is out that Marvin worked for Michael Jackson, I'm sure the home folks will be seeking you out. How's that for bad sentence sructure?