Monday, May 28, 2007

Entirely too much poop in this one

Isn't this exciting? The weekend is over, and yet it's NOT OVER! One more day of not doing anything we don't want to. Except I do have to Nair my moustache, which is never something I want to do, per se. But it is better than the Snidely Whiplash look I get otherwise.

We did all sorts of non-spendy-pants things this weekend, and yet I ache, ache I tell you, to spend.

On Saturday, Marvin Gardens went hiking in Topanga Canyon with our friend Bill. Bill called Saturday morning and I kept hearing Marvin Gardens tell him, "I'm not allowed. Nope. Not allowed." I knew Bill was wanting to go out to lunch. Really, this little experiment is probably hardest on our friends. In the end, Marvin packed sandwiches for the two of them to take on their hike. See? See how we adjust?

My oldest friend in the world, who I will call Wally Green because she is absolutely obsessed with Walgreen's, is having a birthday in a few days and I can't get her a dang gift. She has sent me McDonald's gift certificates this year when she read that I was hankering, and she also sent me some bottles of my favorite shampoo and conditioner (guess where she bought them?), and I cannot do a thing for her. So I called her today and told her that for her birthday, she can choose whether she wants me to sing "I Love the Nightlife, I've Got to Boogie" or "Time for me to Fly" on her answering machine.

What could be better than that? I will have no friends by the end of this year. Marvin doesn't even allow me to sing in the house at all. I have to limit it to the car. I am sure the neighbors will enjoy me jammin' out on my cell phone on the morning of May 30. "I've been around for you/been up and down for you/ but I just can't get any relief..."

So, anyway, I did see my old college friend Nan this weekend, and she was kind enough to buy me a manicure/pedicure right there on the Sunset Strip. We sat in those big spa chairs that they charge you $6 extra for, and we yak yak yakked while they did us up. Then I drove her around and showed her the important sights (where River Phoenix died, where Lindsay Lohan is always getting into trouble, the sign for Beverly Hills). The thing is, I can no longer pay for car washes and have to wash my car myself, and I tell you my car was covered, COVERED, in bird poop. (Please see my last 50 posts, wherein I obsess about the birds in my yard. I guess there is a downside to all this communing with nature.) As I drove my friend around, I said, "Why are people looking at us?" And she said, "They are looking at the bird poop!" It was bad, folks. It was like we were in Tippi Hedrin's car.

Isn't it nice when you see an old friend and it is like no time has passed at all and they didn't get all serious or all grown up and unapproachable or humorless or mature or anything like that? Why is it that you can fall right back into place with some friends, and others you are like, ew. Did I ever like you? Did you used to have a personality? Was I drunk every time I ever did something with you, or what?

I really was badly tempted to buy something new to wear to see this old friend, but that would have been completely stupid. Did I need to impress her? Was she going to like me less if I was wearing something old? Truthfully I do not even think she is the type who remembers what I wore. This need-to-spend thing is often self-imposed.

But I do have to tell you the truth. Afterwards, I filled my tank and paid the nine extra dollars for a car wash. I would have gotten bird flu washing that thing myself.

The spending temptation came back today. We barbecued at Renee and Dan's today. We brought fruit salad, so we went to the grocery store, and along with fruit, I had to get hair gel. Now, this is a necessary expense. If I were to go with no product in my hair, Sputnik would call and tell me to put that thing in a bun or something. So, there I was, in the sort of cosmetic-y part of the store, and sister, I was tempted. And in real spending life, I would never buy makeup at the grocery store. But just that one little purchase of hair gel (technically, it was mousse from John Freida. I know, 1983 called. It wants its hair product back) and I was like an addict. I looked at the lipsticks, I looked at the hair elastics, I looked at the bubble bath. Marvin Gardens had to pull me out of that aisle.

Also, summer's here and the time is right for dancing in the streets. Is it the time is right or the time is ripe? I never know from songs. You know that old song jungle love/it's driving me mad/it's making me crazy? All my life I thought it was chug-a-lug/it's driving me mad until Marvin Gardens caught me.

But I digress, for a change. Summer is here and I wish, oh how I wish, I could buy new skirts and little T shirts and oh! do I wish I could get new shoes. Little pink summery shoes. Little slip-on metallic summery flats. Oh.

As it was, I ironed the khaki cargo pants I bought at Old Navy in 1872 and wore those with my flip-flops bought during the Nixon administration. Then as soon as we got to Renee's, she said, "Oh those pants are so cute!" So, there you go.

I know I have rambled forever, and you have turned into a skeleton with cobwebs hanging off you, but I do need to tell you just one more thing. Renee made a fabulous, healthy dinner, and we had my fruit salad for dessert. Then, because I am a terrible influence, because I am Goofus to Renee's Gallant, I said, "Don't brownies sound delicious?" So the next thing you know, Renee and I are baking brownies, and also sugar cookies because Marvin Gardens does not like brownies. I understand that he is a freak, yes.

So, Renee's daughter Charlotte, who is two and only eats healthy things, get one half of a sugar cookie, and Renee hands out the warm brownies on paper towels. We are happily eating, but Charlotte is most concerned, her brows furrowed. Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer. She pointed at our brownies and asked, "Poopy?" That poor child thought the adults were all sitting around enjoying paper towels filled with fecal matter.

Perhaps she will grow up without much of a sweet tooth.


Lisa said...

It may sadden you to hear that MG's second oldest niece (feel free to make up your own clever nickname) has declared her hate for all things chocolate. So along with his blue eyed gene she has inherited this as well. Can't wait to see which one of his traits she starts displaying next.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Well, she is unemployed, as well.

Anonymous said...

she is also very cute

sabrina duncan said...

Well, the weekend is now NEVER over for Marvin. And yes, I'm jealous. Sometimes I really don't want to report in to Charlie, even if I can hang in a hip living room and serve cocktails during the day.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Hey, Constant Comment, what's with the conspicuous absence of Kelly Garrett? Is he/she hawking her pantyhose, or what?

tarable said...

Love the ramblings, inspired by the self-control in the cosmetics aisle, and jealous of friends who buy you pedicures and make you brownies (although my friends are nothin' to sneeze at)

Stie said...

That is hilarious...wonder what it must have been like inside that kid's mind, "Um, WHY are they all eating poo?" What a great laugh.

dcrmom said...

LOL! LOL! I love your rambly posts.

Anonymous said...

I was on a secret mission in Minneapolis where my wiles sure came in handy when apprehending Lars, Lars, and Sven.

June, are you sure that you are not laying the eggs?

Nancy said...

Awwww, so sweet......

Allie, Dearest said...

A friend just showed me your blog. It's exactly what I need. Thank you.

June Cutoff Cash said...

I am standing here beside myself that someone would tell somebody about my blog. Loving your friend, Allie, Dearest. Loving them long time.

And I drink too much coffee, too (creepily looked at your profile).