Regarding my handiwork

Someone wrote in wanting to know if I could do any crafts to donate to hospitals, since I have so much nothing-to-do time on weekends.

Last time I blogged (I love that it's become a verb. What does blog mean, anyway?) I mentioned that my friend Rosie Papaya came over, and the reason she came over was to teach me needlepoint.

Rosie Papaya is one of those people who is good with crafts, and I know this not only because I have seen her knitting several times, but also because she has good hair. I think people who can create things with their hands are also good at blowdrying and styling. So, again, we are back to my hair and my lack of styling abilities.

I wrap a terrible present. It looks like a four-year-old did it. Once my friend Renee and I made Christmas cookies, and when it came to decorating them, we ended up in a heap on the kitchen floor, hysterical. Every cookie looked like an internal organ, or the state of Pennsylvania. I just do not have that craft gene.

However, Rosie was a patient teacher and I kind of enjoyed learning the needlepoint. She bought me a small kit and I have been poking at it, literally. There is a space in the middle to write some pithy thing about following your dreams, but I think instead I am going to write, "Screw needlepoint" or something in there.

Follow your dreams. My dreams usually involve being a go-go dancer who is married to Barry Gibb. Am I really gonna follow that dream?

I have been thinking, though, that since I have free time on weekends, that perhaps I will volunteer at the humane society near my house. Marvin Gardens will be very nervous about this, as I will fall deeply in love with some animal every week and beg to keep it. But since he has a heart of stone and only lets us have three cats, he knows I will not actually end up with a menagerie like Ellie May Clampett (what's with my Beverly Hillbillies obsession lately?).

I actually just go to the humane society for kicks, both on weekends and sometimes at lunch. And even when I don't do that, I am forever finding stray dogs to rescue -- so much so that my old boss was going to buy me one of those screens dividing your back seat from the front seat, cause I was always coming to work with a dog in the back. So maybe the humane society is the right idea. Should I be capitalizing Humane Society? It's a proper noun, isn't it?