Saturday, January 6, 2007

My first bout of hysteria

Today, five days into my no-spending year, I had my first hissy fit.

I don't mean my first hissy fit ever; certainly my friend Cindy will recall my "I want to be an au pair" hissy fit, and my friend Renee will remember the you-forgot-my-birthday-even-though-it's-not-actually-my-birthday debacle.

My mother will recall the knocking-off-all-the-purses-hanging-on-the-back-of-my-door explosion at age 3, and my Uncle Leo will dredge up the "I forgot my memory" episode. Oh, and how about Paula, who will be able to give us perfect details on the "You forgot to tape Hart to Hart" tantrum.

So, no, I do not mean that this is a first in the hissying department.

However, here's what happened. As I said in my last blog, I had a dentist appointment today. I did not drink coffee before the appointment, as I am afraid of the dentist and did not want to add to the jittery effects.

So, at ELEVEN, when I finally got to work, I was ready for the coffee. I went into the coffee room, and the MACHINE. WAS. BROKEN.

Now, there are a few things you do not mess with. Do not joke with me about harming cats. Do not tell me that "first annual" is correct because you are planning to have the event every year. And DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, keep me from my coffee. ESPECIALLY five hours after my normal having-coffee time.

It just so happens that in the coffee room, along with decaffeinated me and the broken machine, was a co-worker -- the nicest co-worker you could ever ask to have -- who wants me to say his name is Proton, which it isn't. (Isn't a proton something scientific, like a molecule or something?) Well, anyway, poor Proton was standing there, hapless.

I tried to fix the coffee machine. I tried again. Then I pretty much acted like Glenn Close when she popped back out of the bathtub in Fatal Attraction, all screaming and waving my butcher knife. "THERE IS NO COFFEE!" I screamed at Proton. "THERE IS NO COFFEE AND I HAVEN'T HAD COFFEE YET AND I CAN'T GO BUY COFFEE CAUSE I AM NOT SPENDING ANY MONEY THIS YEAR!"

Somehow, Proton talked me down and we got the machine fixed. It just needed its something emptied. And all was well. Until I got an email from someone saying, "Hey, nice spazz-out in the coffee room!" Turns out like 78 co-workers could hear every word. Nice. Nice way to climb the corporate ladder.

And by the way, I had a $5 gift certificate to Starbucks in my purse the whole time.

4 comments:

Gee said...

Puhahahahaha! This is tooooo funny. Guess what I'm going to give you for your birthday.

Also, I can't believe you had a shopping dream.

Thanks for the funny posts! =D

PROTON said...

...thanks for the "nice co-worker" comment. Believe me, I UNDERSTAND the coffee fix, just as long as no one is recreating scenes from TRAINSPOTTING, I think we might all be ok w/our collective caffeine fix, si?

( somehow my alter ego might not be so hidden for too much longer....)

And now, some protonic history:

*Ernest Rutherford is generally credited with the discovery of the proton. In 1918 Rutherford noticed that when alpha particles were shot into nitrogen gas, his scintillation detectors showed the signatures of hydrogen nuclei. Rutherford determined that the only place this hydrogen could have come from was the nitrogen, and therefore nitrogen must contain hydrogen nuclei. He thus suggested that the hydrogen nucleus, which was known to have an atomic number of 1, was an elementary particle.
See also: William Prout and Prout's hypothesis
Prior to Rutherford, Eugene Goldstein had observed canal rays, which were composed of positively charged ions. After the discovery of the electron by J.J. Thomson, Goldstein suggested that since the atom is electrically neutral there must be a positively charged particle in the atom and tried to discover it. He used the "canal rays" observed to be moving against the electron flow in cathode ray tubes. After the electron had been removed from particles inside the cathode ray tube they became positively charged and moved towards the cathode. Most of the charged particles passed through the cathode, it being perforated, and produced a glow on the glass. At this point, Goldstein believed that he had discovered the proton.[citation needed] When he calculated the ratio of charge to mass of this new particle (which in case of the electron was found to be the same for every gas that was used in the cathode ray tube) was found to be different when the gases used were changed. The reason was simple. What Goldstein assumed to be a proton was actually an ion. He gave up his work there. But promised that "he would return." However, he was widely ignored.*

Campbell said...

I'm completely addicted. Not as addicted as I am to shoe-shopping (or any kind of shopping) but your blog is a close second. I am really looking forward to reading about your year of non-spending!

This entry was my favorite so far.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Well, thanks, Campbell! You are very kind. And I enjoy your soup.