Thursday, December 6, 2007

You aren't paid to be a canary

Dear Textbook Company,

Due to unforeseen business circumstances, I will be unable to meet my Friday deadline for editing your book.

First of all, do you have any idea how boring science books are? Can't you write a nice sex book or something? What about fashion tips? College students need to look snappy, too. Has anyone thought of teaching a course on celebrity gossip? Cause we'd all snap that book up, and meeting my deadline would be so much easier.

Secondly, due to forces beyond my control, there was a Hallmark made-for-TV movie on on Sunday night. Now, you know no person can go without watching one of those! Do you even know about those most excellent movies? Because they are accompanied by most excellent commercials for Hallmark cards. Did you see the Christmas one where the dad is walking alone in the snow, and he goes to the stop of the hill to read the card from his daughter? Oh! Weeping already!

Or are you too busy thinking about Googols and Pearson rs?

Furthermore, did you KNOW I am going a year without spending and it's Christmastime? This does not mean you can go without paying me, but it does mean I have to MAKE all my GIFTS. Do you really think I have time for your pesky book?

Finally, Textbook Company, it has come to my attention that there are three episodes from Six Feet Under in my mailbox, and I thank you in advance for your understanding about this matter. I can't decide if I think Rachel Griffiths is hot or really unattractive.

I look forward to working with you again soon. Would it be possible if you could pay me and I don't actually have to copy edit for you?

Best,
June

4 comments:

Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry said...

Sounds reasonable to me. :>)

Megan said...

Wait--is your title a line from "It's a Wonderful Life" this time? I don't remember that one. And it seems the textbook company would totally agree with your priorities!

June Cutoff Cash said...

Yep! Mr. Gower says it to George when he's whistling and scoopking the ice cream for Mary.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

If I remember school right, nobody reads their science book anyway. I'd say patch your little blog post in the middle of it and offer anyone a coke if they actaully read it. I'll bet in a hundred years, nobody calls.

Not to diminish your fine contribution to the world of editing, mind you.