Monday, December 17, 2007

Holy mackarel, I'm married!

Is anyone else feeling a tad overwhelmed? I keep thinking, "Once I [insert insipid task here], I can relax and enjoy the holidays." And yet I am still not with the relaxing and the enjoying.

I had a stupid statistics textbook to proofread, due today. Not ONLY was it that fascinating topic, statistics, but it was about a computer software program to help you ANALYZE statistics. Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo! With the stimulating topic. So you can imagine how easy it was to read and actually pay attention to.

So I finally got that done, at 11 o'clock last night, shivering outside a FedEx drop box filling out the address label, when what do you think came today? MORE statistics to proofread! I am standing here beside myself.

I am grateful for the work, as I'm sure you can tell, but must it be 10 seconds before Christmastime? Because you can imagine how there is no work to be done at all at the church. Christmas? Not a big deal or anything over there.

Plus also beyond that incidentally, there is the whole MAKING OF THE GIFTS thing that I am STILL doing. Now, Marvin was a big help this weekend, when he wasn't disturbing my proofreading.

Let's pause from our broadcast to discuss pretty Marvin. For four years, I worked from home as a busy freelancer. And proofreading? Kind of a job that needs the concentration. I know I've said it before, but if they wrote it "Variables dialog box" on page 72, you had better ding-dang notice that it's suddenly "variable dialogue box" on page 97. There were four differences between those two phrases. Using your number 2 pencil, write 750 words on what they are.

So, every single day for four years -- because I assure you I never had a day off -- I used to say to Marvin, "I'm proofreading now. Do not disturb me." Who would get ants in his pantaloons the MINUTE I told him that? Suddenly he would begin his clogging practice, or he would open the door and stare at me, his mouth half open to show he was JUST ABOUT to say something, but didn't want to disturb me. Sometimes I would let him hang like that for 40 or 50 seconds before I would growl, "WHAT." And it was always, "I'm going to 7-Eleven. Do you want anything?"

Now I am back with the freelancing, and I can assure you Marvin's inability to leave me alone has not abated. Now when I'm done proofreading? He is always in the middle of a Who documentary and does not want to be disturbed.

However, he made a lovely stupid homemade gift for my mother, which took hours and I am glad he helped out. But folks? My Uncle Omar? I caved. I sent him golf balls. Hi, Uncle Omar! Merry Christmas! Surprise!

Uncle Omar golfs 750 hours a day. He went to Scotland to golf. Many times. What is it with men and the golfing? It grabs them like horses do women. Do you know any women who have horses? I know three. All of them are completely horse-addicted. And yet I know no women addicted to golf, and no men addicted to horses. Discuss. Number two pencils only.

So due to my Uncle Omar's love of the golf, I actually know his brand of golf ball. So I spent 4 minutes on line and $40 and got him said balls. Did you even know their WERE brands of golf balls? Why? Why don't they just have the "Round Small Hard White Ball Co." and be done with it? What possible difference could there be?

So, sorry, Uncle Omar, that I did not make your gift, even though you spent hours of your own time trying to teach me algebra in 10th grade. Girlfriend is pressed for time. Girlfriend has 20 million Christmas Eve bulletins to make, and 900,000 chocolate cookies for other relatives. Girlfriend knew you'd like you the golf balls. Girlfriend does not know why she must continue to refer to herself as "girlfriend," or even in the third person, for that matter.

I had better return to my proofreading, and then to a vestry meeting at the church in an hour. Oh! But I wanted to mention, in closing, that the one-year anniversary of me as a blogger came and went, on December 15. It is very exciting. Almost as exciting as a statistics textbook.

Girlfriend out.


Catherine said...

What is WITH the proofreading that must be done yesterday? Why does the printing world operate that way? I'm pretty sure I couldn't be "in house" at a publishing firm...

Oh, and I did see all four of the errors in your phrase. I believe an author's query would be in order.

Have I mentioned how much I'm enjoying your IAWL headers? It's my favorite movie too. Unfortunately none of my friends like it so I have to watch it alone, which makes me feel like a loser: "what would the world be like without me? Just fine, evidently, since I can't even get anyone to watch my favorite freakin' movie with me!"

Um, oops, a little rant there...

June Cutoff Cash said...

You see, Catherine? You really had a wonderful life!

sister in law said...

1. I am sure most of your readers think 'a Who documentary' is just a made up example you are using when, in fact, I know it is exactly what he is doing

2. You do realize that 'software to analyze statistics' is what my old career was all about. I am such a geek I am wondering what company the manual was for.

Stie: My Favorite Things said...

I, too, am loving the IAWL titles. Every year we do a George Bailey Award in our family and give someone in our lives that movie. You know, someone who made a huge difference? Like George. Let's just say we LOVE that movie around here. It's actually a great tradition (and a great movie).

And I cannot possibly imagine a world in which textbooks like that are so in need of being rushed for publishing the week before Christmas. I'm sure people are already lined up at University bookstores to get their statistics textbooks. Seriously!?

Bronwyn said...

Happy Anniversary, June!

I caught the differences, but only because you said there were 4. I truly would suck at your job.

Oh, and for Uncle Omar? I would have caved too. It's not like you've got time to knit him one of those fetching golf vests or anything.

June Cutoff Cash said...

How did you live through even one day of a job doing statistics? Oh, it's so dreadful.

I am loving that idea! So stealing it.

After a while, mistakes just jump out at you. That doesn't make them interesting, however.

Anonymous said...

You will be amazed/pleased (or something) that I finally at age 60 saw the movie from which your December titles originated. It was on last Friday evening, and two friends called me to tell me to watch it. Saturday I checked out all your titles to see if I remembered where in the movie they appeared.
Great movie, by the way.
Elsie in Valdese, not so very far from ...where you live.

June Cutoff Cash said...

Yay! I am so glad you saw it. Did you remember each line? Did you like the movie? Weren't you annoyed with Mary when she threw the rock and doomed George Bailey to a life in Bedford Falls forever?

Kellie said...

Congrats on one year!

My Dad is a golf nut too. He told everyone (and I mean everyone ) To get him a left hand glove, size large and golf balls for Christmas.

I asked him why that was the only gift he asked for, and also "won't it be boring to open 4 packages of Golf Balls and have 5 left hand gloves?"

He looked at me as if I wasn't his child and said, "No."

So I get what you are saying.

Also, I am sort of like Marvie, When The Mister was in school, for the last 12 years (since I have known him he has graduated 4 different times) he would have to study and it is Always so hard not to bug him.

It;s because we like you guys so much that we pester. I'm just sayin'.

The Little Woman and Hubby said...

ROFL! I saw those errors immediately. I worked too long as an administrative assistant! If I'm reading a book and there is an error, I get so distracted! My question, how to you keep your eyes open reading those boring subjects?

The Hotfessional said...

Happy Blogiversary! I would never, ever make it as a proofreader. Although I did find the four things.

Your Pal in Ma said...

Hi June,

I know I'm your oldest friend (as in not elderly, but the span of our friendship) and I don't think you know THIS about me...

I've never watched It's a Wonderful Life!! Do you still like me?

My favorite Christmas movie is "A Christmas Story" with the little boy and his crazy father who gets the leg lamp and puts it in the front window of their house! It's hilarious!

Have you seen it?

Merry Ho Ho,
Your Pal in MA

June Cutoff Cash said...

Dear Pal in MA,

We cannot speak again until you get that movie and watch it. I am perectly willing to throw away 40 years of friendship over this.

And who you callin' ho?

Anonymous said...

I just love It's a Wonderful Life! I also LOVE LOVE LOVE Miracle on 34th Street. Do you like that one, June?

Anonymous said...

Hey! Happy one year blogversary! That sure is fun! I'm so glad that you started a blog, you are easily my favorite writer.


Lara said...

So I'm with you on the stressing thing! Happy belated blogiversary! Yesterday I made 18 dozen chocolate chip cookies today I'm making homemade marshmallows and I can't remember what I did before that so there is my excuse for not being on time with the congratulations. I really don't have time for anything except Christmas prep and reading your blog (HOW DO YOU LIKE THOSE PRIORITIES?) Why oh why did I feel the need to make cookies for my husbands staff? The marshmallows are an attempt to make something meaningful for my mom for here's to fluffy corn syrup and sugar! Honestly I'm not sure where the meaningful comes in, but at least it is not something I've given her before!

June Cutoff Cash said...

Hang on. Homemade MARSHmallows?

Lovely Little Nest said...

So, I was reading one of The Nester's old posts and she was raving about you so much that I had no choice but to stop by and check out your blog! As it turns out, you are stinkin' hilarious and I hope you don't mind me reading your blog! :)