Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Tina Turner and T Rex Return
We're back! We are done with the relaxing! And thanks, everyone, who sent emails and voice mails asking me to contact you from my vacation, cause that was gonna happen!
Seriously. Do you really check email and voice mail from your vacation? I did, once, from my Aunt Kathy's, but that was it. Are real vacations no longer allowed? Are we supposed to be plugged in at all times now? Cause, no!
Anyway, I will briefly synopsize for you our vacation and times we spent money.
First and foremost, I bought shoes in Boston. Now, we were only there a short time, and what I really wanted to do was run into Ally McBeal and see where they filmed Zoom. I knew what zip code to find it in. Remember, they'd tell you the address of where to write, then sing the zip code? (Oooo two one three fourrrrr.)
Marvin Gardens, however, had a different plan. He went to school there, and he wanted to show me all his things from school. Where he took classes, the depressing boiler room apartment he lived in, that sort of thing. Between you, me and the lamppost, I was a little worried it would be the "Women I've Banged" tour, but either Marvin was gentlemanly or he got no action in college, cause I only had to look at one place where he made out with someone.
At any rate, we were doing a lot of the walking, and folks, I have no shoes. Remember at the beginning of the year where I said I had plenty of shoes to last all year? Turns out you replace them more than you may think. So for this trip, I packed my Converse and some flip flops. Cause seriously? I didn't have anything else.
After about hour three of walking in flip flops, I was not happy. So I am afraid I went to the Newberry Street and got me some Steve Madden flats for $29.99. It was actually necessary, I promise. As soon as I purchased the shoes, I tossed those flip flops to the wind.
After that, we were in Cape Cod, and the only thing I bought there other than food was some SPF 50 sunblock, which was later confiscated at the Boston Airport, along with my hand sanitizer and lip gloss. But while I had it, it worked beautifully. It was something like Panama Joe's SPF 50 or something. I highly recommend it, as I burn. I am a redhead, you know. BAH!
The wedding in Cape Cod was lovely, by the way, and oh! I promised I'd tell you how we each humiliated ourselves. Okay.
So, it was an outdoor wedding and when we sat down we were right in the sun. Many people picked up their chairs and put them in the shade, but I thought, oh, that is controlling. I will not participate.
I do not know why I began talking to myself as if I were I Dream of Jeannie, with the not using contractions.
Anyway, Marvin gets sick in the sun, so he said, "I'm gonna sit in the shade till the wedding starts."
And I thought, "I think I will put the chairs in the shade, Master, with the other mortals." Okay, I will stop with the Jeannie talk.
So, I put our chairs in the shade and started looking around for Marvin, to tell him. But I could not find him. I could not find Master.
I need to stop with this at once.
Anyway, as I'm looking, the music starts playing and the wedding is beginning! The groom is up there, so is the best man, the minister is coming down the aisle. And guess who is also there, looking lost cause his seat is gone, standing IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLE AS THE WEDDING IS BEGINNING? Is it Marvin? And am I helpless because the MUSIC HAS STARTED and the WEDDING has BEGUN and Marvin is suddenly IN the wedding?
And here's the other thing. When Marvin is looking for something (in this case, me) he assumes a Tyrannosaurus Rex posture, with his hands curled in front of him. Why does he do this? I do not know. Could it be some ancient thing? Was he once a dinosaur? At least he was the big, important one.
So there he is in the middle of the wedding ceremony, T. rex-ing obliviously, and I am over there like Holly in Land of the Lost thinking, "Daddy, do something! Aaahhhh!" because I can't just stand up and go, "Over here, Dino!" (Was Dino a T. rex? Wasn't he on all fours? Was the dinosaur Fred slides down at the end of his workday a T. rex? Why do I care? Should I go back to being Jeannie?)
Anyway, he finally finds me and then we spend the rest of the ceremony bickering in whispered tones, which I'm sure thrilled everyone around us.
And if that weren't bad enough, later I am standing in the receiving line, and my heels keep digging into the ground because, again, outdoor wedding. And who's sporting her inappropriate pumps? Old Tina Turner, over here. Pushing her Nutbush City Limits.
So, I look behind me, and this woman is carrying the cutest baby in this front pack thing, and you guys, why do I do things like this? I said to her, "Hey. Will you do me a favor? Take that baby out and carry me in there for awhile? These heels are driving me nuts."
Well. You know how some people might think that is sort of funny, and some people are simply horrified by things like that? Yeah. I got the horrified type. You could tell she thought I was berserk. And then I had to stand there for like half an hour in awkward silence, resentful that she wouldn't carry me.
But back to the spending. I am happy to report that other than the sun block and the shoes, the part of the trip where we visited Aunt Kathy was spendless, basically. We all went to the Vermont Country Store, and both my aunt and my mother gave me money to spend there for my birthday. You know I like me the Vermont Country Store. I got many doo-dads that I had admired from the catalog.
Plus, that night on my birthday, there was pink cake.
Anyway, the only other bad spendy thing I did was on our last night in Boston, which was only last night but feels like 72 years ago, was I bought a Harvard Book Store T-shirt when we were visiting Harvard Square. Sue me.
And the best thing of all was today, when I realized that this is the LAST TIME that I will have to fly into stupid LAX. We got in at 1:50, and by the time we waited for a gate, waited for our luggage, waited for the shuttle, and waited in our car on the 405, we got home at nearly 5:00. Nice.
Now I have to go read all your blogs and see what you all did while I was gone. I hope Fully Operational Battle Station got rid of her earwigs.