Thursday, March 22, 2007

Crankerbritches checks in

This was the worst day EVER. Sort of.

On March 22nd, 2006, my magnificent cat Mr. Horkheimer died. He was my good cat for more than 12 years; I had gotten him back while I was still single. So for several years it was just Horkie and me. He was a fine roommate; he rarely ate my food and never borrowed my clothes.

Last year he got really sick and he died. Marvin Gardens and I had been planning a bar mitzvah for him -- he would have been 13 in May. We thought we were hilARious with this idea. We were going to have a bird and mouse theme, we were gonna put up a photo collage of Horkie -- oh, we couldn't get enough of ourselves.

Anyway. I am just saying that LAST March 22nd was a bad day, and this one RANKED RIGHT UP THERE...

EVERY job at work was an emergency that had to get done RIGHT AWAY OR EVERYONE WOULD DIE!

Then traffic was terrible all the way home. It took me an hour and 15 minutes to get home. And as I crawled down the 405, I was trying to talk to my Aunt Mary on my cell phone, and like 86 people called me. BEEP! My phone would go. BEEP! Then it would go BOOPBOOPBOOP! to let me know the person had hung up. I don't CARE that they hung up! Then three seconds later my phone would go, boodledy boodely boo! to let me know whoever was calling had left a MESSAGE! LIKE I CARED! JUST LET ME TALK TO AUNT MARY, WILL YA?

I personally think call waiting is the rudest thing possible. I did not choose to have it on my phone. On our REAL phone, if someone else calls in, it goes straight to voicemail, which means I can CONCENTRATE on THAT person when I am DONE with my original caller! Which is what talking on the phone is all about! You are supposed to give the person your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION! You are not supposed to interrupt them to see if a bigger name is on the other line. And really, how often is the other call an emergency? Once every five years or so? Please.

Oh, I am cranky today.

Anyway, the reason I am blogging is to say that to make myself feel better, and this is such a healthy way to deal with stress, I used my McDonald's gift certificate that my pal Lisa sent me! I have a hot fudge sundae in the freezer to eat later. I am happy now. Happy and cranky.

This might cheer me up. One of my favorite bloggers, musings of a housewife, had a sort of questionnaire on her site today. It is a list of things one may or may not have done, and you bold the stuff you have done. So I will do so. Then you can cut and paste the list and send it to me, with your own changes! Okay, here we go (please note that I have done most of the drunken, slutty stuff. Hi, mom!):

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula (eww! never!)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree (my friend Jeff Gilman told me to, so I did)
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (define "sea." Does that mean the ocean? Cause I MIGHT have done so at the ocean, but I for sure have at the Great Lakes)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise (Marvin Gardens and I talked all night once when we were dating. We're so over each other now; we'd fall asleep trying)
14. Seen the Northern Lights (the coolest thing. ever.)
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb (oooh! I wish!)
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run (hah!)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them (Lisa G., remember that cute old lady we sat with at Hunan?)
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sang karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day (pretty much all of 1996)
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain ( lived in Seattle, there was no choice)
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie (Someone is making a documentary on Marvin Gardens and me. Does it count if it's not out yet?)
74. Crashed a party (Marvin G. and I crashed two weddings at a hotel we were staying at. We even signed the guest book. "Don't be strangers!" we wrote.)
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest (Just this Halloween.)
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date (Marvin Gardens. He was too dreamy...)
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship (Does the Queen Mary count?)
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children/currently raising child
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (Hmm, do I know anyoe who does that?)
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication (sort of. Does the Saginaw News wedding section count?)
106. Lost 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (I tried to, with Marvin G. He said it was like trying to hike with his Gramma Ethel. I minced more than I hiked.)
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (Renee likes cats AND Laura Ingalls Wilder now!)
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (with my friend Marianne, who calls them "damaydas.")
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (when I was in Paris. We met three guys who spoke no English. Hung out with our French/English dictionary all night!)
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

2 comments:

Kelly Garrett said...

Things from your list that I've done:
03. Climbed a mountain (if Mt. Hollywood counts)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
15. Gone to a huge sports game
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
23. Gotten drunk on champagne (story of my life)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity (if political candidates count, then yes)
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run (hah!)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
47. Taken a road trip
49. Midnight walk on the beach
51. Visited Ireland (and talked to Bono)
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero (I am a superhero)
58. Sang karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
69. Toured ancient sites
74. Crashed a party
77. Made cookies from scratch
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
87. Eaten shark (shark fin)
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
93. Been on a cruise ship
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (does it count if they are not my favorite?)
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
110. Broken someone’s heart
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (I have the skills of a sharp shooter)
124. Visited all 7 continents
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (Hong Kong taxi drivers)
139. Been elected to public office
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
149. Caused a car accident

Anonymous said...

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (Yes)
08. Said “I love you” and meant it (Yes)
09. Hugged a tree (Yes)
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris (Yes)
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (Yes)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise (Yes)
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (Yes)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables(Yes)
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars (Yes)
20. Changed a baby’s diaper(Yes)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon(Yes)
22. Watched a meteor shower(Yes)
23. Gotten drunk on champagne(Yes)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope(Yes)
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment(Yes)
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger (Yes)
30. Had a snowball fight(Yes)
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can(Yes)
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse(Yes)
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run (hah!)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (Yes)
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment(Yes)
39. Had two hard drives for your computer(Yes)
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk(Yes)
42. Had amazing friends (Yes)
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country(Yes)
44. Watched wild whales(Yes)
45. Stolen a sign(Yes)
46. Backpacked in USA(Yes)
47. Taken a road trip(Yes)
48. Gone rock climbing(Yes)
49. Midnight walk on the beach (Yes)
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love(Yes)
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them(Yes)
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sang karaoke(Yes)
59. Lounged around in bed all day(Yes)
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving(Yes)
62. Kissed in the rain (Yes)
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain(Yes)
65. Gone to a drive-in theater(Yes)
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken(Yes)
69. Toured ancient sites(Yes)
70. Taken a martial arts class(Yes)
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married(Yes)
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”(Yes)
83. Got flowers for no reason (Yes)
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music(Yes)
87. Eaten shark(Yes)
88. Kissed on the first date(Yes)
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone(Yes)
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently(Yes)
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children/currently raising child(Yes)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over(Yes)
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking(Yes)
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived(Yes)
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane(Yes)
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart (Yes)
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone(Yes)
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol(Yes)
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild(Yes)
118. Ridden a horse(Yes)
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat(Yes)
127. Eaten sushi(Yes)
128. Had your picture in the newspaper(Yes)
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (Yes)
130. Gone back to school(Yes)
131. Parasailed(Yes)
132. Touched a cockroach(Yes)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (Yes)
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read(Yes)
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language(Yes)
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream (Yes)
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts(Yes)
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you(Yes)
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head (Yes)
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life