I can assure you that we were not the winners of cow bingo. All I know is that they expected the cow to poop at noon, and she held off till 3:00. I would too if everyone in town were watching me.
In other news, I went to see Miss Lilly yesterday, as I do every Tuesday and Thursday. We were listening to her book on tape -- and I must tell you that plot is getting exciting. The other day our chapter ended with a man coming up behind our heroine, and you could hear Miss Lilly and me going, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" all the way down the hall.
So we're listening to our story yesterday when I noticed a MOUSE run into her ROOM! I wish there had been a camera trained on me. Cause I know I sat there, shocked and motionless, for a good minute at least. Now, Miss Lilly is blind, so she had no CLUE what was happening. After a minute, the dang thing poked its nose out from behind her dresser (the mouse, not Miss Lilly) and I turned off that tape.
"Miss Lilly. There is a MOUSE in here."
"Whaaaaattt!?!" Her eyes were huge.
"I am gonna go get help. He's way over on the other side of the room. Are you scared?"
So I ran RIGHT PAST that mouse, and I totally gave it the "tell it to the hand" flick of my wrist, like it was gonna understand that. "Oh, that person with all the hair is telling me to tell it to the hand. Well, then I won't jump on her leg. Glad she signaled me."
It seemed like every nurse in the place was missing. What if there had been a real emergency? I'm sure poor sightless Miss Lilly, stuck in her room with vermin, felt like it was a real emergency. Finally, I found everyone in this office, where I think they were trying to convince a family to stick their mom in there or something. I signaled wildly. I didn't want to screw up their sale.
I got help and stood at Miss Lilly's door, telling her they were gonna get that mouse out of there right away. I would not have crossed that threshold for a million bucks. And do you know that thing kept CREEPING out and LOOKING at me?
At this point, Miss Lilly was thinking this was hilarious. I kept telling her where the mouse was, and how it was still nowhere near her. Finally some really brave nurse came in and just moved stuff till she saw it.
I kept thinking of my no-nonsense friend Lisa, who grew up in the country. She would totally have moved furniture too. She would have picked up that mouse by its squirmy tail and thrown it outside and gone on with her day. She is also able to puke at work and go on with her workday.
I am not so tough.
So, I have to go back there tomorrow. I am thinking of leaving my purse in my car. I am also thinking of taking one of the cats with me.
I will not be eating cheese at any point between now and then.