Friday, October 19, 2007

I guess "down South" is just as bad...

Last night, I sat around the dinner table with my family, and everyone who was a blood relative gave an example of a time they threw something heavy at a loved one.

Seriously. There was a screwdriver -- which I guess is not heavy, just dangerous -- a wooden paddle, a beer bottle (that one was me)...then my poor uncle, who married into the family said, "I threw a dishrag at your aunt once." Okay, wimp. Be a real man!

Isn't it nice to come home and realize you're totally screwed thanks to your genes?

I am still here in Michigan. Today we are going to my mother's place in the woods. People in Michigan call this "Up North," which I have a problem with. North is always up.

I did not spend any money on day one of my vacation yesterday. We went to a huge antique store in town, where I came across my high school yearbook -- which is making me feel young, having it appear in an antique store -- but I did not purchase it. Even though there are five photos of me in said yearbook, including two with old boyfriends who I bounced back and forth between throughout my entire high school experience.

One friend used to say he could tell what season it was based on my current boyfriend. Apparently I dated one in spring and one in fall. Aunt Mary has seasonal jewelry, I had seasonal men.

Yesterday we also drew names for Christmas, as a bunch of us are going to Wisconsin to my cousin Katie's. I drew Katie's name, and Marvin Gardens drew my stepfather's name. You have no idea what a coup this is for us. These are the two people who will actually be glad that we have to make them something. They are both deep and profound. As opposed to me, who throws beer bottles and wants an emerald for Christmas.

I will be without a phone or computer all weekend, so I hope you all have a lovely few days. Do not do anything interesting while I'm gone, as I will not be able to read or talk to you about it.

8 comments:

The Hotfessional said...

Me? Keys. At the ex-husband.

My mother? A jar of baby food - at my dad. The gook was still on the ceiling when the "baby" was 10.

gramakas said...

I'm glad to hear that someone else dated the same two guys throughout their high school years... so did I except the two guys were cousins. I always wondered if it made for weirdness at their family get togethers?! I'm afraid that now days they just make fun of me when they get together (probably deserve it).

Anonymous said...

Funny, I don't remember the dish cloth episode. Dementia can be a good thing.

sabrina duncan said...

Well, now, how am I supposed to converse with you this weekend then? This dang time zone difference!

I had acupuncture today! The acupuncturist said "Do you want to see the needle?" I said: ABSOLUTELY NOT! and yes, I yelled it.

jtcosby said...

This has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with anything but I thought it was interesting information. Dr. Oz (Oprah's guru doctor) says you MUST Have LOTS OF FIBER in our diets...my fear is I will be using the restroom a gazillion times a day and what the heck, how am I going to get my kids to eat fiber and YUCK! Ok, that's all I have other than the fact I am going to buy Jessica Seinfield's Deceptively Delicious cookbook!!! :) Did I tell yoU I am from Iowa and have relatives in Michigan and Wisconsin (not to mention a gazillion other places ;)) Ok, rambling over, must watch more oprah!

Charlie said...

Screwdriver.... ha ha. I want to be in your family.

Go back and buy the year book. I would totally let you off for that one. Then you could post the pictures on the blog. It is your duty to buy the year book - buy it for us - your loyal readers. If I was there I would buy it for you.

Linda .. the Aussie one! said...

A beer bottle tosser huh!

Have a great time with your kin folk. :o)

Jenny's Vegcafe said...

I had to ask my husband if I'd ever thrown anything at him. He gave me a quick answer of "Well, you've thrown little shit fits and sorta thrown what you had in your hand in my general direction- but, not heavy frying pans or what not."

Then of course the discussion became how we didn't have a heavy iron frying pan and maybe our tefflon/alloy/some space aged material wok might do some damage if I hit him just right with the sharp edges.

So, thanks for inspiring that. ; )
Now I think I'm weapon prepared next time he does a dumb man thing. Do you think he'll be suspicious if I ask for a cast iron pan for Christmas?
Oh, I just remembered- I think he threw an empty ornament box at me while we were putting up the tree and having the yearly tree decoration argument. I'll have to remind him.
Love the blog, btw.