Crankerbritches checks in

This was the worst day EVER. Sort of.

On March 22nd, 2006, my magnificent cat Mr. Horkheimer died. He was my good cat for more than 12 years; I had gotten him back while I was still single. So for several years it was just Horkie and me. He was a fine roommate; he rarely ate my food and never borrowed my clothes.

Last year he got really sick and he died. Marvin Gardens and I had been planning a bar mitzvah for him -- he would have been 13 in May. We thought we were hilARious with this idea. We were going to have a bird and mouse theme, we were gonna put up a photo collage of Horkie -- oh, we couldn't get enough of ourselves.

Anyway. I am just saying that LAST March 22nd was a bad day, and this one RANKED RIGHT UP THERE...

EVERY job at work was an emergency that had to get done RIGHT AWAY OR EVERYONE WOULD DIE!

Then traffic was terrible all the way home. It took me an hour and 15 minutes to get home. And as I crawled down the 405, I was trying to talk to my Aunt Mary on my cell phone, and like 86 people called me. BEEP! My phone would go. BEEP! Then it would go BOOPBOOPBOOP! to let me know the person had hung up. I don't CARE that they hung up! Then three seconds later my phone would go, boodledy boodely boo! to let me know whoever was calling had left a MESSAGE! LIKE I CARED! JUST LET ME TALK TO AUNT MARY, WILL YA?

I personally think call waiting is the rudest thing possible. I did not choose to have it on my phone. On our REAL phone, if someone else calls in, it goes straight to voicemail, which means I can CONCENTRATE on THAT person when I am DONE with my original caller! Which is what talking on the phone is all about! You are supposed to give the person your UNDIVIDED ATTENTION! You are not supposed to interrupt them to see if a bigger name is on the other line. And really, how often is the other call an emergency? Once every five years or so? Please.

Oh, I am cranky today.

Anyway, the reason I am blogging is to say that to make myself feel better, and this is such a healthy way to deal with stress, I used my McDonald's gift certificate that my pal Lisa sent me! I have a hot fudge sundae in the freezer to eat later. I am happy now. Happy and cranky.

This might cheer me up. One of my favorite bloggers, musings of a housewife, had a sort of questionnaire on her site today. It is a list of things one may or may not have done, and you bold the stuff you have done. So I will do so. Then you can cut and paste the list and send it to me, with your own changes! Okay, here we go (please note that I have done most of the drunken, slutty stuff. Hi, mom!):

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink

02. Swam with wild dolphins

03. Climbed a mountain

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid

06. Held a tarantula (eww! never!)

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone

08. Said “I love you” and meant it

09. Hugged a tree (my friend Jeff Gilman told me to, so I did)

10. Bungee jumped

11. Visited Paris

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (define "sea." Does that mean the ocean? Cause I MIGHT have done so at the ocean, but I for sure have at the Great Lakes)

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise (Marvin Gardens and I talked all night once when we were dating. We're so over each other now; we'd fall asleep trying)

14. Seen the Northern Lights (the coolest thing. ever.)

15. Gone to a huge sports game

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables

18. Touched an iceberg

19. Slept under the stars

20. Changed a baby’s diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon

22. Watched a meteor shower

23. Gotten drunk on champagne

24. Given more than you can afford to charity

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment

27. Had a food fight

28. Bet on a winning horse

29. Asked out a stranger

30. Had a snowball fight

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can

32. Held a lamb (oooh! I wish!)

33. Seen a total eclipse

34. Ridden a roller coaster

35. Hit a home run (hah!)

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment

39. Had two hard drives for your computer

40. Visited all 50 states

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk

42. Had amazing friends

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country

44. Watched wild whales

45. Stolen a sign

46. Backpacked in Europe

47. Taken a road trip

48. Gone rock climbing

49. Midnight walk on the beach

50. Gone sky diving

51. Visited Ireland

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them (Lisa G., remember that cute old lady we sat with at Hunan?)

54. Visited Japan

55. Milked a cow

56. Alphabetized your CDs

57. Pretended to be a superhero

58. Sang karaoke

59. Lounged around in bed all day (pretty much all of 1996)

60. Played touch football

61. Gone scuba diving

62. Kissed in the rain ( lived in Seattle, there was no choice)

63. Played in the mud

64. Played in the rain

65. Gone to a drive-in theater

66. Visited the Great Wall of China

67. Started a business

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

69. Toured ancient sites

70. Taken a martial arts class

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight

72. Gotten married

73. Been in a movie (Someone is making a documentary on Marvin Gardens and me. Does it count if it's not out yet?)

74. Crashed a party (Marvin G. and I crashed two weddings at a hotel we were staying at. We even signed the guest book. "Don't be strangers!" we wrote.)

75. Gotten divorced

76. Gone without food for 5 days

77. Made cookies from scratch

78. Won first prize in a costume contest (Just this Halloween.)

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice

80. Gotten a tattoo

81. Rafted the Snake River

82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”

83. Got flowers for no reason

84. Performed on stage

85. Been to Las Vegas

86. Recorded music

87. Eaten shark

88. Kissed on the first date (Marvin Gardens. He was too dreamy...)

89. Gone to Thailand

90. Bought a house

91. Been in a combat zone

92. Buried one/both of your parents

93. Been on a cruise ship (Does the Queen Mary count?)

94. Spoken more than one language fluently

95. Performed in Rocky Horror

96. Raised children/currently raising child

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (Hmm, do I know anyoe who does that?)

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking

103. Had plastic surgery

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived

105. Wrote articles for a large publication (sort of. Does the Saginaw News wedding section count?)

106. Lost 100 pounds

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback

108. Piloted an airplane

109. Touched a stingray

110. Broken someone’s heart

111. Helped an animal give birth

112. Won money on a T.V. game show

113. Broken a bone

114. Gone on an African photo safari

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild

118. Ridden a horse

119. Had major surgery

120. Had a snake as a pet

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (I tried to, with Marvin G. He said it was like trying to hike with his Gramma Ethel. I minced more than I hiked.)

122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states

124. Visited all 7 continents

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days

126. Eaten kangaroo meat

127. Eaten sushi

128. Had your picture in the newspaper

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (Renee likes cats AND Laura Ingalls Wilder now!)

130. Gone back to school

131. Parasailed

132. Touched a cockroach

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (with my friend Marianne, who calls them "damaydas.")

134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (when I was in Paris. We met three guys who spoke no English. Hung out with our French/English dictionary all night!)

139. Been elected to public office

140. Written your own computer language

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you

145. Had a booth at a street fair

146. Dyed your hair

147. Been a DJ

148. Shaved your head

149. Caused a car accident

150. Saved someone’s life