BOO! Were ya scared? Did you need your Schlitz? Who is this trashy couple, having to get all drunk to carve a pumpkin? THERE'S a good idea. Let's drink beer and wield a sharp knife!Do you think anyone, in the history of time, drank Schlitz from a glass?
So, here's something I hadn't thought of. Candy for Halloween. Not really a thing I am supposed to be purchasing. Or is it? The rule is, it can be bought at the grocery store if I cannot make it at home. Okay, yes, I could go out and buy candy molds and suddenly learn how to churn out the chocolate, but that would be way more of an expense.
I guess I will go out and buy regular candy. I do not know how to make miniature 3 Musketeers at home. Nor do I know how to make Circus Peanuts, which I detest, and therefore am going to buy so I do not eat leftovers.
When I lived in Seattle, I had two female roommates (if you read my blog comments, these roomates identify themselves as Sabrina Duncan and Master Instructor Susan Harris, which was the name of the aerobics instructor on the videotape we worked out to. Videotape. 1991 called), and Master Instructor Susan Harris would go buy Halloween candy on, like, October 1. You KNOW it would be gone by Halloween.
So EVERY YEAR we'd go out and buy another bag at three seconds to darkness on Halloween, so the poor children wouldn't starve.
Anyway, I am supposed to be editing something right now, and you can see my work ethic is as strong as ever.
Remind me to tell you how ABSOLUTELY SCARY AND CONFUSING the church secretary job is.
If you go to church, please take a moment to appreciate the person who wrote that bulletin. And if they forgot to mention someone's birthday on Sunday? GET OVER IT. Maybe the secretary had eight funerals to make bulletins for that week. That's all I have to say about that.
Everybody write in and tell me what the scariest movie is! I say The Exorcist, hands down, nothing scarier on earth, cannot even look at a photo of it. You?
Blair Witch Project scares the wits out of me everytime I watch it. Luckily we only had it on videotape (there's 1991 calling again) so I cannot pop it in and watch it anymore. My husband and I used to watch it every Halloween (which is a big deal here in Salem, MA). Instead, now we go downtown and see all the real witches and goblins!
ReplyDeleteHappy Halloween, June!
HALLOWEEN 1 BACK IN THE 70'S
ReplyDeleteThere I sat, with my macho boyfriend, in the totally sold out theater when the movie got to a really scary part. The room was soooo very quiet when someone from outside the theater pounded on the metal exit door. The entire crowd screamed in utter fear & panic.
Oh I remember sneaking into the Exorcist when I was 16 .. big mistake .. it scared the bejingles out of me .. perhaps I should have taken notice of the R rating. I hate it even now .. what a horrid movie.
ReplyDeleteHappy Halloween June!
I believe somewhere along the line they're going to invent the world's worst candy so that household distributors do not eat the leftovers, and so that children do not rot their teeth. The candy will taste so bad that it will never be eaten -- just thrown in a kitchen drawer with the scissors -- and recycled for years to come. I'm thinking it should be called ReTaffy.
ReplyDeleteInconvenient Truth. Don't throw up.
ReplyDeleteI'm newly introduced to your blog and I love your writing! And yes, I've been a church secretary before and there isn't another job like it out there anywhere...
ReplyDeleteTeri in CO
You.Did.The.Firm.
ReplyDeleteAAAAHHHHHHCCCKKK! Hotfessional knew who Master Instructor Susan Harris was! I am giggling.
ReplyDeleteHey, Kevin and Terry in CO, thanks for reading!
And, okay, MOM, An Inconvenient Truth. Although that polar bear swimming for ice haunts me whenever we leave lights on or throw away a recyclable item, I do have to say.
Ack! I also know who Master Instructor Susan Harris is! I do believe The Firm videotape is still in my cupboard somewhere. I do recall having very sore legs after that workout. And didn't you love the dance routine at the end!?
ReplyDeleteI have never seen the Exorcist. Probably good, I scare easily. The Candy Man is one that sticks in my head as being really scary.
What I remember about The Firm video is that Master Instructor Susan Harris talked in that throaty, sexy voice. It was ridiculous.
ReplyDeletePee Wee's Big Adventure
ReplyDeleteThat Pee Wee Herman guy creeps me out.
OMG, really!? I LOVE Pee-Wee! So many college memories of playing the Pee-Wee drinking game during the TV show, which came on at 10 a.m. Saturday. Maybe I am not one to talk about the drunk pumpkin carvers...
ReplyDeleteIt's a two-way tie: The Shining and Silence of the Lambs.
ReplyDeleteRED RUM! RED RUM!
Hello, Clareeeessse.
I just peed my pants in fear.
Oh, those two little girls in the hallway of the hotel in The Shining. I am having chills just writing this. UGH. You are right.
ReplyDeleteIt puts the lotion on its skin...
Oh, also? And I know I am totally annoying writing comments on my own blog. But Fatal Attraction? Where she wipes the bathroom mirror and GLENN CLOSE IS RIGHT BEHIND HER OHMYGOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA that is so scary.
ReplyDeleteI hate scary movies. My scariest is that one where the truck driver abducts the wife of some guy. You know the one, I'm sure, from that specific description. Anyway, that's as scary as I get.
ReplyDeleteOooh! I have another. Sleeping With the Enemy. I have no idea what movies yall are talking about. I'm sure they are in another whole realm of scary from my own.
ReplyDeleteDo you remember doing The Firm with me in Capitol Villa with my roommate sitting on the sofa with her legs crossed Indian-style, smoking pot and watching us, saying, "You guys make me fucking sick"?
ReplyDeleteAnd it was me who said Inconvenient Truth.
I've never seen the Exorcist because the trailers scare me to death.
ReplyDeleteI think the scariest movie I've ever seen is a toss up between Primal Fear or What Lies Beneath.
I know. I'm a wuss.
Wow. I never thought I'd confuse you with Pam.
ReplyDeleteOf course I remember. Howmany times and places did I do that stupid Firm tape? I wonder if I could do 10 minutes of it now?
Oh! Oh! Oh! Dcrmom! When she's in the bathtub? And the TOWELS ARE STRAIGHTENED OUT!?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteAck! Ack! ACCCCCKKKKK!
Becky,
ReplyDeleteIs What Lies Beneath where Michelle Pfieffer lives in that really nice house and gets all paralyzed in the bath?
I loved that house.
Wow, when I read your post I thought I wouldn't have a movie to add because I HATE scary movies, but I've seen like half of the ones listed. How did that happen? It's all since being married--the things you do in the name of love.
ReplyDeleteI've never done The Firm, but how about Tae-Bo?! Billy Banks (or is it Blanks?) ring a bell to anyone? I loved that workout!! Doing that roundhouse kick made me feel so tough!
One last thing....June, you're being asked for over at MY blog!! What's wrong with this picture?! My mother-in-law is now tuning in to my blog to read YOUR COMMENTS!! :)
Yes. That part where they're in the truck makes me scream every time.
ReplyDeleteSleeping with the Enemy is scary too!
So is Enough, with Jennifer Lopez.
I hate scary movies. The Exorcist made me pee. I hated the Omen. I also hate scary books. I read Pet Cemetary when I was in the 10th grade. My parents were gone. We lived in the woods. I buried the book in a shoe box at the bottom of the closet with stuff piled on top. Then...I turned on every light in the house. Then...I saw Sasquatch run through the woods in our back yard.
ReplyDeleteI don't know about scary movies, I don't watch them, it scares me. Those church people can really be unkind. I know, because I am one. The Lord refers to his children as sheep and I've discovered that sheep WILL bite you! Keep that in mind when you are dealing with the sheep in the congregation. :-)
ReplyDeleteMegan,
ReplyDeleteSo on my way to your blog to steal your mom-in-law's heart...
Oh, and also? Billy Blanks? TOTALLY did him! His video, I mean. And was it difficult. I was in great shape then, because I was about to get married and wanted to be the world's most emaciated bride, and even still that tape kicked my arse.
I don't really think Pee Wee's movie is scary...it's just the first movie that popped into my head. I haven't seen many scary movies, because I am a sap. And enjoy chick flicks. However, now I know what movies to watch late tonight when the high schoolers are still out trick-or-treating and I am sitting in my darkened house pretending to not be home because we have run out of candy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, about the Firm. what about the outfits they were wearing. Whew! Those were the days!
I only said An Inconvenient Truth because global warming scares the shit out of me and I always avoid reading, watching, or listening to anything about it, which is hard to do where I work. But then one day I was compelled to watch the film as "research." Hated it.
ReplyDeleteI love how many people know who Susan Harris is. I was sure that only June and Sabrina would ever get that reference.
ReplyDelete"Okay, let's triple step. Now isn't this better than dieting."
I'd guess I'd better get my tape out again to work off the bag of butterfingers I ate this year.
Happy Halloween everyone.
Meet the Fockers is the scariest movie I have ever seen.
ReplyDeleteWhat? Watching Dustin Hoffman eat whip cream off Barbra Streisand's cleavage doesn't scare you?
All scary movies scare me. The first scary movie I ever saw was Carrie. That part at the end where the girl is actually dreaming that she is at the place where the house burned to the ground and the hand comes up...whew...that is some scary stuff. Jaws scared me. Food of the Gods scared me. The Exorcist..that one, too. And The Shining. Ew... I don't want to think about it anymore.
ReplyDeleteI wish you would publish your comments to everyone else's blog because I am sure they are witty. I think of you as a female Dave Barry. My scariest movies are The House of Wax starring Vincent Price which I saw at a very young age in 3-D in the50's and also the Excorcist. To comment on your comments, I would like to say that seeing Dustin Hoffman lick the whipped cream off of Bab
ReplyDelete's breast was a treat for us baby boomers. Also, the first Halloween was very scary. The camera was the eyes of the bad guy some of the time. To see it again it seems ridiculous to see the California neighborhood which is supposed to be the midwest I think with fake leaves falling and blowing and it takes forever for it to get dark, but aside from those minor issues, it is really scary, like when Jamie Lee Curtis sees the bad guy out her window and then he disappears or when he springs up from behind the couch or when he jumps on the car in the beginning of the movie. All those are scarier than the gory scenes. Happy Halloween.
Blair witch project gets me too. I will never go camping again! I also can't stand Steven Kings 'It'. Creepy Clown.
ReplyDeleteI wish we did halloween here in Australia. We did get halloween m&m's this year though. We have been eating them all October!
The Ring scared me, I am such a baby. By the way, I worked as a Church Secretary, too. If you think working for a church increases your spirituality, forget it. Those congregants are scarier than any movie!
ReplyDeleteMary Ellen
I think Psycho was the absolute scariest. I watched the whole thing with myn hands over my eyes. Its been around 45 years...and I still think of it every once in awhile when I take a shower. I also fell down the stairs of the underground parking lot when leaving that movie.
ReplyDeleteWe still buy videotapes.
ReplyDeleteChurch secretary job, please write more.
Blair Witch Project.
Your Mom is funny.
Jamie
Did you ever watch "Night of the Hunter" with Shelley Winters and Robert Mitchum? It's very scarey.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm late to the Halloween party, but Silence of the Lambs and The Vanishing (original Netherlands version) are the two scariest movies ever. But then I don't see scary movies because they scare me.
ReplyDeleteDustin and Barbra...hmmmm. Kelly Garrett, you rock my world!