What are you doing over here?

Not spending money is sooooo 2007. Come on over to Bye Bye, Pie. I'm gonna stop eating for a year! Join me, June GonnaEatThat, and my spouse, Marvin Gardensalad, at our new locale.

(In case the whole link thing baffles you, the address is byebyepie.typepad.com)

You see, George? You really had a wonderful life.

I was all set to tell you today that I have learned nothing this year. I tried to not spend extraneously, and now it's done and that's that. I was going to say that as I predicted most people were really supportive, I wasn't perfect at it but I lasted all year and we saved some money. The end.

But a funny thing happened on my way to this blog. Yesterday, I went up to the attic, where Marvin Gardens can be found -- not because he is a bat, but because his recording and musical equipment is up there, so where else would he be? -- and I asked him, "What are we gonna do with the money we saved?"

All year we have asked ourselves that. For a while we thought we'd take a trip to Italy. Then we moved 3,000 miles and ate into a lot of our savings, so Italy was kind of out.

Then we talked about splitting it and each buying a bunch of stuff, which would probably mean grooming items for me and music things for Marvin.

Anyway, for the 47th time this year, I asked Marvin that question and together we came up with the same answer: how about nothing?

How about we keep our savings as savings? We don't touch it, and we keep saving?

Now there's a thought.

So when the new year comes and we can go out there and shop, Marvin is going to get a new pair of tennis shoes and I might get another pair of sweatpants. Maybe. I have decided to use up the makeup I have, I already fixed my hair, I got some new clothes for Christmas, so you know what? I'm good.

I cannot tell you what a profound change this is for me, and for SpendyPants Marvin.

So I guess we did learn something. We learned to live with less.

I learned that there are many occasions when a phone call -- and actually LISTENING to the person you call -- is nicer than sending flowers. I learned that oftentimes, food made at home actually tastes better. I learned quiche is really easy to make.

I learned that if you are going to make Christmas gifts, give yourself many, many months, not two, or you will break out in a hideous rash, which is decidedly not Christmasy. Well, it's red...

My favorite part of this year, far and away, has been this blog. Yesterday I asked people to make comments if they haven't done so yet and as of right now, I have more than 70 comments! And please, if you haven't commented yet, do so! It was so rewarding to hear from all of you.

As they say in It's a Wonderful Life, no man is a failure who has friends, so I guess I am not a failure. I am also not a man, but whatever.

So thank you all for reading this, for commenting, for sending me gift certificates and cooking utensils and recipes and Teen Beat magazines and for trying to buy less, too. You made my year so much more fun.

Now, won't you join Marvin Gardensalad and me, June GonnaEatThat, over at Bye Bye, Pie for a year of good eating and supposed exercise?

Happy New Year to You, in Jail

Well, the ornaments are down (and at one point lying shinily on the table waiting to be packed, as you can see), the tree is sadly on the curb, everything is put back together in its nonholiday way.

I guess Christmas is over. And we have no plans for new year's eve.

Why is it so much harder to make friends when you get older? Remember college? You made friends the first day. By the time I'd lived in Seattle five months, I not only had friends that I still have today, but a serious boyfriend, too.

I have been HERE five months and yes, I know people, but were we invited anywhere for Christmas? Or New Year's? That'd be a no. Is it because we're older or because we're repugnant?

However, we can celebrate the fact that our year of not spending is officially coming to a close. We have about $6,700 to our names, which is $6,200 more than we had at the beginning of the year. Plus we hauled our arses across the country, and got established somewhere else. So I think that isn't so bad, all things considered.

Tomorrow I'll do my big goodbye to you all. But in the meantime, if you have been reading this and have never commented, could you give me a shout out? All you have to say is "Dayton Ohio delurking" or wherever you are. If you don't know how to comment, you click on "Post a comment" at the end of my post. Then just log in as anonymous.

I would love to hear from you all, if I haven't yet!

Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the window.

I went to the doctor today, in preparation for my new health blog that will begin January 1st. He did all sorts of tests so that I know what condition I am in now, then in six months, then at the end of the year. I am so excited I could spit.

I made the appointment months ago, because I wanted to get my health stats as close to 1/1/08 as I could. But I'm glad I had the appointment, because I am covered, covered I tell you, in some sort of rash.

Goodness, I do hope my friend Donna is not reading this particular entry. Rashes freak her out. So does the word "succulent." Now I have really made this a nightmare post for her.

The bad news is the doctor has no idea what is wrong with me and I have to go to a specialist. My theory is it's Lassa Fever or something.

Lassa Fever is what everybody got on General Hospital in like 1982. I think it was a way to fire the boring people (like that poor nurse Audrey, who was 702) and get a new, young cast.

I do hope you're all planning to join me over on my new blog. Then if that one gets really popular you can be cool and say, "I was reading her back when she was doing Bye Bye Buy." Kind of like how everyone tried to act like they were huge Nirvana fans before they got really big.

How much of a chance is there my health blog will become as popular as Nirvana? Is SOMEbody getting a bit big for her britches? Indeed I am. Hence the need for healthy eating.

Me and my hives will talk at you soon. I want you to know I'd really like to buy a fat caliper before January 1, but I am abstaining so far. I know. I am steely with self-discipline, aren't I?

Hey, I have a big idea. Since you all know what my New Year's resolution is, why don't you tell me yours?!

We don't need any characters around here to give the place atmosphere.

I understand that there are only four days left until I can spend like a banshee. But I was getting that red velvet cake look again so bad. Here I am this morning, pointing out my roots. Wait. I have a closer-up image. Get ready.

Seriously. I could not go another day with this hideous look. I had been trying to wait and not dye it out of a box, because I was getting so close to the end of the year. What is WITH me and the quick root growth? So, I called the hairdresser in Charlotte, where I got my hair cut last month, and they could see me TODAY. Perhaps someone here had already alerted them to the dire situation. So into my car I went.
And it only took two and a half hours and three processes! First, she had to put dye all over my ridiculous grays. Then she added highlights. Then she put toner on the ends. Oh, and then when that was all done she added toner overall.

Basically, it cost today what it would have if I'd have just gone ahead and had my hair professionally done three times this year.

Which as you can see, really annoys Winston.

I want to spend Christmas in Elmira with my family.

Remember Christmas 2005, when my cat sprayed blood on the VCR and I spent the holiday at the emergency vet? Remember Christmas 2006, which I spent completely alone, opening gifts by myself, having dinner alone?

Welcome to Christmas 2007, or as I like to call it, Sniffmas.

Who got sick right on Christmas Eve? I was feeling fine one minute -- my stepfather and mother got here, we took them on a drive through the town, which took seven minutes, and all of a sudden I started feeling a tad ...sniffy.

By midnight mass, you talk about away in a manger. That's where the congregation wished I'd go. You can imagine how happy everyone was to shake my hand and say, "Peace be with you." I got a lot of waves across the room. A whole bunch of those "Hey!" with the pointing of the thumb and forefinger.

Today was less Boxing Day and more Box of Tissues Day. It has been one of those colds where you must have Kleenex six inches from you at all times or it will not be pretty. Thank goodness I got some nice new sock monkey pajamas, and a new robe, because I got out of my old pajamas and wore those all day yesterday. I even wore them in the car, when we took a drive to look at Christmas lights. I figured there was little chance we'd run into Jude Law and I was right.

The good news is that Marvin Gardens found the DVD Arthur in the attic, which is one of my favorite movies, and wrapped it and gave it to me and I had NO IDEA it wasn't new, or that we already owned it. I was too ill to notice the whole lack of cellophane. I never would have known had my mother not spilled the beans, which Marvin was thrilled with her about.

As for me, I had decided that for Marvin, I would take a really cute picture of his grandfather playing with the family dog and frame that for his gift. I couldn't tell you about it before now, because I force Marvin to read this blog whenever I post.

At any rate, I had discovered the photo when we were at Marvin's parents' house at Thanksgiving, and had sneaked it into a book to take back. So, when it came time to UNsneak said photo out of the book, who suddenly had no photo?

Oh, did I turn this house upside down. I was panicked, I tell you. Not only would I have no good, relatively inexpensive gift for Marvin, but I would also have LOST a nice picture of his GRANDFATHER.

Finally I located it, in Marvin's desk. I have no idea why it was there. I had hidden the picture in a 1970s modeling book. Why had Marvin been perusing THAT, I ask you? Is he secretly Halston?

Well, anyway, I don't know what I was thinking. Where around here did I think I'd find a cool little frame? John Deere does not carry cool little frames. And the ones at Wal-Mart were inexplicably bad.

So Marvin did not get a framed photo, but rather the very story I told you above, except with my cold voice. "Marben, I tried to frabe you a photo ob your grandfaber..."

That was my holiday. Please now tell me about yours. My Puffs and I are eager to hear all.

Merry Christmas, you wonderful old building and loan!

I do not know why I am bothering to blog, as about seven people will be reading this over the next few days. I threw in a photo of Renee being heavy with child at my 40th birthday party, because it is a heavy with child kind of day. I am sure she is going to be happy with me.

Okay. The food shopping is done. Hors d'oeuvres are either out on Christmas plates or ready to be put together in the fridge*. Gifts are wrapped. Stockings stuffed, even the cats' (they get Baked Lay's. Not a cheat, because it's food. They love Baked Lay's. I do not know why).

The house is clean. The guest bedroom has been as de-catted as possible. I have yelled at Marvin Gardens for being a slob 750 times.

We are set for guests. My mother and stepfather are driving here as we speak. Which we aren't.

I put my makeup on today and the sun was screaming through the window. Since all the leaves fell off our eight million oak trees, the sun really shines in here all day, which is nice. However, me? Looking in the mirror at noon, which I don't normally do? WOW! What clogged pores? Holy mackinerny.

I haven't gone an entire year without a facial since about 1976, when I was 11. And back then, obviously I didn't have money to run out to Elizabeth Arden -- not that there was an Elizabeth Arden in Saginaw, Michigan -- so what I did was boil water, put a bunch of herbs in there, throw a towel over my head and steam for 20 minutes. I wish I would have thought of that before now. The moon called. Wants it surface back (that was for you, stie).

Do you think facial places will be open January 1?

*Renee gave me easy hors d'oeuvres ideas. Want to know them? One is take a cracker, blue cheese, a walnut and drizzle maple syrup, just a touch, over it. I know. Sounds sophisticated. She used to work for Wolfgang Puck. The other is a cracker, Gouda cheese and a sliver of pear.

I am also serving Christmas cookies, of course, candy, various breads and candied nuts. Plus two dinners. Somebody kill me.

I hope you all have a merry little Christmas, if you celebrate it. Otherwise, I hope your Chinese food is good.