For every jewel turn turn turn, there is a season turn turn turn.

My Aunt Mary, who hails from Colorado, came to visit us this weekend.

In case you are thinking, "That Aunt Mary is some jet-setter, going from Colorado to North Carolina just for a weekend" (and if you are thinking that, are you really that big of a nerd? Is this my demographic? People who say things like "some jet-setter"?), in reality, Aunt Mary had a conference over here on this part of the earth, and she just finished up her week with us. That's all. Don't get too excited. Aunt Mary isn't gettin' on her private plane for a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich or anything.

When one is not spending, it is sort of a challenge to have a visitor. "Hey, welcome. Want to watch our four TV channels? We can't go anywhere except for 17 walks a day. Do you like Reba?"

So, one thing I did was take Aunt Mary out on the town. Which took 17 minutes. The town is three blocks long. But here's the thing about my aunt. Let's say, God forbid, that Aunt Mary fell over dead and for some reason none of us had much money for the tombstone engraving. We could save a bundle and encapsulate her like this:

Aunt Mary.
She shopped.

In fact, she has probably already bought a stone at a deep discount during "Funeral Friday" or something on QVC.

You have seriously never met anyone who shops as much as Aunt Mary. She has over 100 pairs of shoes. She recently lost weight and donated like 62 pairs of pants to charity. Her husband files for divorce twice a year, when he has to lug the winter clothes in and take the summer clothes out and vice versa.

And knickknacks? Don't get me started.

And ALL of these things were bought at 689% off. "Oh, this Chanel suit? I found it at DressBarn for $1.50." She has never paid full price for ANything, ever, in her life.

This drawn-out description was necessary so you could feel the mirth I felt when, not one hour into her visit, Aunt Mary found a STORE, in this three-block town, that I have never been to. "What's this place?!" she squealed. The woman has a divining rod in her hair or something.

And it was the cutest place! It's kind of a consignment/antique shop, and it had a ton of stuff. Most important, a cat lived at the store. She is gray and her name is Tabatha.

I guess it goes without saying that Aunt Mary bought her a little something, and even a gift for me.

For the rest of the weekend, we went to the nature preserve where we were almost stuck for the rest of our lives (which is a whole 'nother Oprah), we made dinner out of vegetables we bought at a roadside stand, we went to an antique fair which involved a long country drive and we went to the Pee Dee River, because it is just fun to say "Pee Dee."

I must admit that we also took Aunt Mary to the drive-in theater, but in our defense, we brought our own popcorn. She also bought us dinner at the grill here in town, of which I am so enamored.

So that was how I cheated a little and mostly skirted the spending this weekend. Oh! But before I go, I wonder if you could help a sister out and comment on the following.

Last night I was trying to untangle my necklaces, and Aunt Mary said, "That reminds me. I have to get my autumn jewelry out." Her AUTUMN JEWELRY. She was as appalled at ME as I was at HER.

"Everyone has seasonal jewelry!" Home Shopping Network told me. "I mean, you don't wear a white necklace in January!"

Okay, Joan Collins, I don't OWN a white necklace. But I told her I would ask you guys, since I am sure I am right and she is sure SHE is right.

Do you have seasonal jewelry? Do tell. I won't make fun of you. Really.